Running Away From Pain:Beautiful Tragedy.

She stood there on that dark night. Alone with just the sound of the river currents under the bridge where she stood. Alone with her thoughts. The rain was cold. It felt like ice hitting hard against her skin. But she stood there, because it brought her some comfort, some wholeness. Pain is the only feeling she knows.The only feeling that courses through her veins, her blood, her soul. Over the years, she had come to expect pain, and she welcomed it willingly. She cared about no one because no one cared about her. When the pain becomes too much too bear, she runs. It was her escape. After those 'episodes' with her father she would sneak out with nothing except the pain in her heart and her most prized possession: her I-pod. Given to her by that ungrateful man out of guilt, never out of love. She used it to tune out the noise. Everything disappeared once she started running. She ran and everything was alright, the pain fueled her need for an adrenaline rush. She wasn't running away from her father, her problems...She was running away from pain. As she ran, all those thoughts were swept away. Her father doing what he did, her mother being too afraid to protect her, her preciousness that was stripped away long ago. Once she ran, she was free. Nothing could touch her, hurt her..cause her pain. As she jumped through obstacles, she felt whole again. Every breath she took was fresh, anew, precious. How she cherished those moments. To escape everything, even life itself. A temporary substitute for happiness. One she wished could last a life time. she wished she could run forever.

Her runs always brought her to one place. The bridge. The she would stop, and slowly let the pain seep into her again. She would stand there, staring at the calm currents that symbolised her life...then her eyes lights up..and she screams. Screams away all the pain, screams away all her fears, screams away everything. She hold onto herself, too scared to let go. She screams till the tears that she's been holding back for all these years flow. Flow from that empty hole she calls a soul. Everything disappears. Everything dies. Then her run continues..Running from pain, heading to hope. Running from an empty soul, hoping to run into one that is whole.

Pain, just leave me alone. I hate loving pain..but it's all I know.