Decisions Decisions..

I just realised my last two post were very very emo. (probably why no one reads your blog, cause they don't want to start slicing themselves or lactating) So I'll keep it simple and tell you(whoever 'you' are) about what's been going on.

First off, those of you who know me personally knows I have this fascination for vampires(And now all of you do!) But that doesn't mean I want to look like one. See, one of my canines, or 'The Fang' as I fondly call it, juts out a little and it has made me feel very bad about my smile. I went to the dentist a while ago and asked him about it and he says I would have to wear braces. BRACES!! Now, I'm about to go into shallow blond bimbo mode here so please excuse me. Wtf braces for 2 years! That's my whole diploma course right there! How la, bf coming back I don't him to find out what metal taste like! I admit I'm somewhat of a nerd but I don't want to look like one!(some ppl can make grills work, I'm not one of those ppl trust me) Corey said my smile is fine and unless I'm a perfectionist I shouldn't get it done but the thing is.. I AM a perfectionist! Most have said that I shouldn't waste time, effort, money and pain on just one tooth but I reap benefits later on right? Don't know la, I really need to weight my options carefully. What you guys think? Braces = Yes? No?

Oh, I'm getting rm10,000 of tax payers money thanks to one very freaky incident that involves violence, shisha, the worst limau ice ever, bribery, alot of cursing(in English and Malay) molestation and chocolate brownies.

I cut my hair!(pictures below) The length I had it at before this was probably the longest I've ever had it and it became somewhat of a security blanket cause of the mark the blob's baby left behind and I miss seeing my hair spill over my boobs but blob's baby mark is slowly fading so I figured why not. The ends are all blunt and straight which I kind of like hehe. Another choice I have to make: Do I re-bleach my highlight(cause its grown out quite a bit) or just leave it and colour over the existing one?

Max is home! Finally! He came home a day before my finals and when I trying to read my notes in the car and ignoring him, he stopped the car, grabbed my notes, threw them into the boot and said I would only get them back after we go out and celebrate his great return. We came back at 10pm and I was too exhausted to study properly but thank God the exam was alright. He gifts consisted of 2 boxes. In the big box, there was a dress, necklaces, bracelets, little things here and there(he said if he saw something that reminded him of me he just got it awww!) and enough chocolate and candy that would probably be every sweet tooth's wet dream. I eyed the other box and asked what was in it but he said that was extra special. Inside the box(among other things) were a pair of furry handcuffs that he got from a porn shop.

I stared at them while he grinned widely and said

"For you to use on Ryan."

Upon remembering that Senpai isn't here, he said,

"Darn! No worries you can use them on me in the meantime."

Lines like that can only come from his mouth. He also got me an assortment of flavoured, glow in the dark and printed condoms, a whip(the one thing I actually find kind of cool) edible underwear, some edible lubricant thingy and a key chain sized vibrator. He actually admitted feeling dumb buying this stuff for a virgin but according to him "Hey! you never know when your gonna need them, might as well be prepared what." Sigh.. Welcome home Max.

Caleb told me to blog about how incredible and awesome and hot he is but I told him I couldn't deceive my readers. But do not fret, for he is not completely hopeless. He happens to be quite the charming and easy to approach, once you get passed that stench of pessimism he has wafting from his being. He might sleep during church service but hey at least his honest about it. I adore his sarcasm cause it's witty, something which is SEVERELY lacking in the sarcasm of Malaysian youths. He has the whole emo geek look going on but he hates emo's. His one of the very few that I know that know who Shiny Toy Guns are. His mission in life(or so I gather) is to marry Hebe, the H in S.H.E. Don't let the blurness fool you, there's actually alot of kepintaran and kesabaran under all that hair. He actually manage to layan and take care of me while I was extremely ku-ku at the farewell pot bless we had for Pastor John. Why so hyper? After not sleeping for 24 hours and running up and down cause of my presentation who WOULDN'T be that ku-ku? But anyone who can do that has PLENTY of patience in my book. So yea, his a pretty good guy although humble he is not lol. Happy with you review Caleb? He just asked me to hang with him and his 2 Swedish friends that are coming down(Please Lord, let them be hunks and not look as geeky as Caleb does pleaseandthankyoumuaxs!) Haha don't worry Caleb, I'll still hang with you guys even if they DO look like you, I'm not that shallow unlike someone who'll laugh at me if I get braces. Grr.

Very sorry for the full-of-myself, highly bimbo-fied post. Take care's!

Blunt and straight.

What's left of my highlight.

Bliss Coming To An End.

I knew this bliss would not last. It was too good to believe, too many good things happening in one never ending sequence. Call me pessimistic but it's the truth isn't it? Everything is slowly beginning to unravel. The mistake I made was that I dared to hope and wish and want. I got lost in all the the shimmer and warmth of it all that I started floating. It's hard to become grounded once you know what walking on air feels like. Even in the faraway tree, each land was only there for a day, then it moved on. Guess this is where I get off then. I'm watching everything dissolve slowly like it was never there to begin with. What kills is that I have nothing of that bliss hold on to. It's going to turn into a memory, just like all past bliss. I don't want to fall into that spiral again. I refuse to second guess myself, refuse to defend those who don't deserve to be defended. I knew this bliss would not last, but this time I'm gonna make sure it doesn't disappear completely. I'm so familiar with this phase that I can see the warning signs from miles away. I know from here on out it's not going to get any better. But I'm going to grasp for what I can. And for once, I don't regret getting lost in the bliss and I'm going to miss it when its gone.

No wait, I take that back. I'm going to hold on to whatever bliss I have left, then use that as the foundation in building up bliss of my own, a constant stream of it that won't dissolve away over time.

Please Dear Lord, please don't let this be a repeat of last year's Christmas.

Issues.

Dedicated to My Chicka From Sabah, Nicoleeeeeee.
You leave me drained. Your all over the place. One minute we're goofing around, the next we're screaming at each other. As cliche as this sounds, you fit that Katy Perry's hot and cold song to a T. Just make up your mind so I can make up my own. I hate that I'm this into you and I love that your always on my mind. But this shit is pure torture. I'm stuck between here and there and let me tell you something, it's pretty fucking boring. Do you want me? Do you hate me? Do you want to be friends? Or do you want more? Am I one of the many of exotic fish in your sea, or am I the only and only bitch that rocks your world? You don't know? Not sure? Fine then, you take your time and figure it out. When or if you do, then I'll be over there.(yeah, I'm sick of being stuck) It's your turn to get stuck. So enjoy the in between, it has awesome reception and there's bingo night every Friday. See you when you decide to decide.

I used to think problems related to trust only happened between couples. Turns out it happens between friends too. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, let me once again explain me self.

Dear Mr. Pushing Boundaries,

Let me explain once again why I am the way I am. See, I grew up with my aunt and mum. My 'friends' consisted of uncles and aunties from church, with the exception of that girl whose name I can't remember and Charles who was the childhood sweetheart(all the adults thought we were so cute together) and whom I was sure I would marry.(I even had my wedding shoes picked out) I hated primary school cause I didn't fit. I always thought of them as immature and couldn't understand why. I didn't even fit in church. I was called a nerd because I actually PRAYED and I wasn't like the other mini bimbo's or soon to be he-bitches pipsqueaks.

Look, I guess your right. I do have trust issues, I have a wall up. But you knew that when you met me didn't you now? I mean, that's why I don't say I love you to anyone and why it took me 2 years just to say it to my BEST friend. Why it took me YEAR to realise that I even liked Ryan. I'm not deliberately trying to hurt you but this is me. I'm not used to telling my close best friend everything because I didn't have a best friend growing up. I kept things to myself and that's a skill I perfected over the years. Frankly I don't even trust my college mates(except for one Chinese babe in glasses and that's because she trusts me. It's a matter of returning respect) but there you go. I DO tell you things but you can't expect EVERYTHING can you? I'm tired of explaining myself so now I'll say this: If you think I'm a bitch for keeping certain things to myself then I can't change that. And after the stunt you pulled.. You say you care for me but you never think OF me. You seem to assume that I'll forgive you for your screwup's. I'll always be there when you get drunk to make sure your okay. You seem to forget that I might wanna let loose too. Time and time again you abuse the faith I have in you because YOU have faith that I'll never stop having faith in you. Confused? Good. Stop testing your boundaries before you lose it all. You keep proving me wrong and I'm finding it hard to think of reasons why I should have so much blind faith in you. I can't give you anymore blindness. Concern is beginning to feel like obligation and I hate feeling that way but I'm too tired, too drained to care. I forgive you but for the 1st time.. You've lost a little of my faith in you. And frankly, I don't know how your going to get it back, or if you ever will.