We all live noble fairytales. They might differ person to person, but its core is always the same; we all want to live happily ever after. Only difference is that our versions of happiness are always different, always altered but most importantly, always our own. That is, if you look at it closely, what makes it so noble. We all have our own claim to that happily ever after and that is something no person, situation or element can ever, should ever, take away from us. We all dream noble fairytales. We all dream of happiness THAT is the truest from of nobility.
These are stories of people so different and their stories of finding happiness, losing it, and fighting for it.
He had reached rock bottom. He could no longer hide behind his pride, because he had none left. He could not hide behind his words because he had nothing left to say. He could not hide behind his thoughts, for he feared them; they were always brutally honest, telling him things he knew were true but never wanted to admit. He didn’t want to admit he needed help. But he had nothing left to hide, nothing left to lose. He who had everything under control, didn’t anymore.
Now, don’t get me wrong, he was not a pessimist. In fact, he was probably one of the most optimistic people you would ever meet; glass half full and all that (which, for a pessimist if you are one, is complete and utter rubbish) But he was also a realist and in the situation he was in – he was realistically fucked.
Bit by bit his day got worse; little stabs here and there, stinging him like a paper cut. But he wouldn’t have it, he was too busy. Assignments, work, other shit, and most importantly.. he friends had problems and they needed him, because he was always the one with the answers. So he did what he always did, what he knew best. He placed all his crap on that rickety shelf of his. It was overflowing already, creaking from the weight of everything, but he found some space to put more crap. They could wait to be solved later. He went on with his day, barely thinking about that overflowing shelf of shit. He listened and advised his friends, finished his almost due assignment, finished his work and kept himself busy. Then the end of the day drew in, enclosing him finally with a moment of peace. He shut his eyes briefly, hoping to wonder off into a quick dream, taking him away. He closed his eyes..
He was in a room, it look very much like the room from his childhood; toys strewn all over the place, a little scobby-doo night light in the corner, sun flooding in from the bay window. He walked in to the room, looking around, feeling calm wash over him. But just as he took a deep breath, wanting to savour this moment, he hears a loud creak. He turns around and then.. That overloaded shelf (which he didn’t notice was there earlier) came crashing down. ON HIM. He woke up with a start. He should have known that that moment wouldn’t last. Like a storm of bullets, all that he wanted to forget and ignore came at him, piercing his skin, his heart; making it hard to even move, becoming visible on that usually cheerful face of his. But he wasn’t going to let anyone know of course. So he put on his usual mask, waving off looks of concern from his friends, pretending like everything was okay but in truth, a war was raging inside him. He went to bed that night without a doubt in his mind he wouldn’t actually be getting much sleep.
Now, you might be wondering what on earth could be turning mister optimistic here into a complete wreck. Well, YOU try living with a family who are constantly disappointed you because you do not share their ideologies. YOU try having all your little faults (or what they THOUGHT were faults) talked about, but having your accomplishments shunned and ignored. YOU try being someone who wants nothing more than to be accepted for who he is, but constantly being told who he is wasn’t good enough. YOU try living with ridiculous expectations. YOU try having the one person on your side leave you without warning, forcing you to fend for yourself. YOU try having to make a choice between their happiness and your own. YOU try hating what they do to you and how they make you feel; but want nothing more than their acceptance and their love at the same time.
Apparently he was right; it was a restless night and he woke up feeling even more exhausted and worn out. He wanted to just curl up and not get up, dreading to face the day and whatever new shit it had to throw his way. But miss another class and he gets barred from his exams; now what wouldn’t be an ideal situation now would it? He went about his morning routine and then walked over to the balcony to let the sun in. He pulled back the curtains; and in that moment, nothing else mattered. It was one of those days where the light was just right, the breeze was just right.. Everything was just right. The kind of day you wished you could bottle up and keep in a safe, secret place. All was well for once.
To be continued.
