1.I miss waking up early on Saturday(unbelievable i know!)
2.Miss listening to Barry, Jeremy and Christoper make lame jokes WAY too early in the morning.
3.Miss complaining how much I need coffee.
4.Miss watching Grace go ku-ku with Jeremy, Christopher and Barry.
5.Miss watching them jam and reenact scenes from the 3 stooge's.
6.Miss pestering Barry for the list of songs we're gonna be singing.
7.Miss moving the transparency machine to the other side.
8.Miss freaking out about Ice-breakers.
9.Miss standing in front of that stand thingy.
10.Miss telling Barry that he sounds like his singing from his nose.
11.Miss doing ice-breakers.
12.Miss seeing everyone have fun and worrying inside whether or not their really having fun...
13.Miss KC going around with his camera and looking like a big kahuna.
14.Miss worship.
15.Miss singing just loud enough but NOT loud enough to be heard by the band.
16.Miss watching Barry get all emotional and fired up.(but still sounds like he's singing through his nose!wakaka!)
17Miss listening to Uncle Kevin talk and mention us.
18.Miss lepaking with Tim, Joshua, that dude named jason(?) and the other jason while the 3 stooge's and Grace have a meeting.
19.the mini jam session after CF.
20.Miss arguing with the boys where to eat.(always no money you people!)
21.Miss fellowshipping with everone during lunch.
22.Miss the 3 stooges plus Jason and Joshua make lame jokes and play pranks.
Basicly, what I'm trying t say is.....

I MISS CF.

If I Had 3 Wishes...

If I had 3 wishes I would,
Re-live tho good times
Re-live the bad
Go back in time to be with you again.

If I had 3 wishes I would,
Wish for us to be together again
Wish I hadn't gotten angry at you that horible day
Wish I had told you I loved you(before you left)

If I had 3 wishes I would,
Re-live every kiss, every touch we ever shared
Wish to feel your breath on my skin as you stroked my hair
Wish to feel your warmth all ove again.

If I had 3 wishes I would,
Have stopped you from leaving that night
Wish that it had been me that got hit instead of you
Wish the nightmare of losing you would end.

There are so many wishes I could make, so many things I would change, but in the end there's only one wish that my heart desires for...

I wish you were here.



*ok, so this isn't a poem. I just thought i'd try writting it a little different. Like it? But anywho, this was inspired by Michelle Cheong who wrote about a girl who had lost her love in her blog('Anything' & 'sob sob') Well, that and one of the topics i had to choose to write about for my English Essay Exam..If i had 3 wishes!*

LOOKIE!!

Look familiar? Haha! That's cause these are my older post from my other blog. Thought i should let the newer readers of my blog see them! anywho, please feel free to comment, especially on 'Lies' and 'The Untitled Book' part 1 & 2. Thanks and enjoy!

Lies.

So, what do you want to know about lies my dear? I'll tell you about lies. There are white lies, black lies...and many shades of gray lies. But some lies are justified. Lies told out of kindness, lies that perserve dignity, lies that spare pain. Everybody's a liar dear. Look at that girl over there, about to tell her lover something patently untrue. Look at their gestures, see how they touch each other's faces, cover their mouths, dart their eyes, hold their chins..They embelish their stories with far too much detail. We are all liars.



*this isn't the writer's personal oppinion. This was taken from somewhere and the writer welcomes personal views and comments. Are we all liars? Are lies ever justified? that my friends and readers, is your own prerogative. Please so comment with your thoughts.

The Untitled Book Part 2(Things Unspoken)

These are just a fraction of what was written in that book.

I felt HATRED towards you for wanting to leave
I felt SELFISH for wanting you to stay for me
I felt GUILT cause I let you go just like that
I felt SADNESS seeing you go...
I feel EMPTY ever since you left.
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Please little wilting flower, Please stop wilting.

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How many times do you have to hit a piece of glass for it to break?
The same amount of times it takes for someone to break your heart...ONCE.


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I cant' do it. I can't allow people to see me. I can't show people my weakness. I can't let them in. They will tear me to pieces..I can't let you look at me like this, I can't let you see me weak. Im supposed to be STRONGER than this.
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Someone save me please...I beg of you with the voice i never dared to use. The voice of my VULNERABLE HEART.
(The voice you'll never hear.)

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Is this what I'm supposed to be doing in life?

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The untitled book is a black leather bound book with no tittle. It is filled with confusion, fears and whispers of the heart that we ourselves don't allow to hear because of what people might think of us. It is filled with questions(SEE BLOG ENTRY: UNTITLED BOOK(MY 1 TRUE WEAKNESS)

*Don't worry guys..I'm totally fine. I'm just showing you...the other side of my ku-kuness, so to speak. The reason this entry is in bits and pieces is cause I'm trying to show you a little of what is written in that book.

Little things..

hey. it's me..like duh! who else could it be?? anywho, I'm feeling really ku-ku rite now(when am i NOT ku-ku?) i finished my last exam 4 2day, and i was thinking about something really sweet that happened yesterday...not gonna say..if u wanna know, have 2 ask me..hehe... then suddenly this popped into my head so i knew i had 2 write it down before i forgot..so here goes...

ever wondered how sometimes it's not the big events that u remember full heartedly, but the little things? like when there's a singer singing a really good song, but it's the way she hits a certain note in a certain way, making u rewind the song over and over again.that tiny note makes all the difference...It's the little thing that count the most, the things that makes u smile for no reason at all...

It's the way the boy you have a crush on smiles at u, or when your friend says your a really good friend..it's the glow on a bride's face on her wedding day, the day she becomes 1 with the person she loves. It's the glint in Mona Lisa's eyes that lets us know she's happy, not her smile. anyone can smile..even when they don't feel like it. little things. like when someone sends u a sms, that, 4 no reason at all, makes u smile. It's how your boyfriend or girlfriend holds your hand, or plays wit your hair..

It's the little details in an artist's painting that completes the picture. we remember the little things...and those are bigger than anything..it's the most valuable type of memories we have, because at the end of the day, we can all tell and act out what happened at Darren's farewell/birthday party...but we can never show them da little things..gestures,comments,looks, and anything else that made that day special..

The Untitled Book(my one true weakness)

I found this book. It has no title, no ending. it wasn't complete, and yet it's hard leather bound cover was covered with dust.

I read the chapters of that book. something keeps popping up like a plugue thet won't go away. My one true weakness. the one thing people choose not to own. Why do i keep repeating my mistake? why do i keep doing favours even when i know that it's not worth it? Why am i such a push over?
Is it cause i'm an easy target? maybe it's because they know me too well. Is that my fault? Did i let on? i sacrificed so much of my love and friendship for you. But u don't seem the least bit concerned about the wall that has build up between us. Am i the only one amongst the two of us who sees it? Or do you just not care? I shared my knowledge, my experiences so that you could learn from them. but you take them and leave me with the image of my soul, striped to its core. I allow myself to forgive you over and over again. But over the years, i wonder, is it worth it? Is it worth being pushed around? Why do allow myself to be used by you and never even bother to realize it sometimes? This book was filled bitter sweet experiences. Amongst the heartache, there was joy, amongst the joy there was fear.Amongst the fear there were feelings undescrible. this is what keeps dawning on me. These are the thoughts that kept repeating themselves . But this book is yet to be completed. There will be more questions yet to be answered. I shall fill the pages with more questions. Should i stop? Should i keep pretending that i don't feel this way?Should i stop trying to bring down that wall? Hopefully i shall i find the answers.

These are the writings of the book. The book that is my life. The book yet to be titled.

The Song That Was...

She sat there like a corpse, lifeless at the piano. She stared straight ahead while a crowd of a few hundred stared at her. Her fingers moved gracefully, stroking the piano keys as if she were in a trance. She was the center of attraction. All eyes were on her but HER eyes spoke about the pain in her heart. She was playing THE song. His song. The song she wrote for him, the song she sang to him just before he left. She made a promise, to sing this song for him and for him only. It was their song. And here's she was breaking that promise. She hated herself for it. As she sang she felt his arms wrap themselves around her...Felt this lips brush across her neck, his breath caressing her skin while she played for him, just like he used to. a single tear ran down her expressionless face. This was so dear, so precious, so delicate..It hurt her heart singing it. "Please make this stop. Please..." begged her dying heart.


"Your soul is aching and its dying to be heard,This might be painful but consider the worth,And when you feel like there's nobody on your side,They will embrace you with a radiant smile.."



She sang The last line. The crowd stood in an uproar of awe. But she heard nothing. The silence ran through her. she ran off stage and stood behind the curtains. She dropped to her knees, broke down and cried.. Never has she felt so much pain, anger, fear, betrayal, and self loathing in one night before.

"I miss you. I love you. Please come back. Make this pain go away...."