Issues.

Dedicated to My Chicka From Sabah, Nicoleeeeeee.
You leave me drained. Your all over the place. One minute we're goofing around, the next we're screaming at each other. As cliche as this sounds, you fit that Katy Perry's hot and cold song to a T. Just make up your mind so I can make up my own. I hate that I'm this into you and I love that your always on my mind. But this shit is pure torture. I'm stuck between here and there and let me tell you something, it's pretty fucking boring. Do you want me? Do you hate me? Do you want to be friends? Or do you want more? Am I one of the many of exotic fish in your sea, or am I the only and only bitch that rocks your world? You don't know? Not sure? Fine then, you take your time and figure it out. When or if you do, then I'll be over there.(yeah, I'm sick of being stuck) It's your turn to get stuck. So enjoy the in between, it has awesome reception and there's bingo night every Friday. See you when you decide to decide.

I used to think problems related to trust only happened between couples. Turns out it happens between friends too. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, let me once again explain me self.

Dear Mr. Pushing Boundaries,

Let me explain once again why I am the way I am. See, I grew up with my aunt and mum. My 'friends' consisted of uncles and aunties from church, with the exception of that girl whose name I can't remember and Charles who was the childhood sweetheart(all the adults thought we were so cute together) and whom I was sure I would marry.(I even had my wedding shoes picked out) I hated primary school cause I didn't fit. I always thought of them as immature and couldn't understand why. I didn't even fit in church. I was called a nerd because I actually PRAYED and I wasn't like the other mini bimbo's or soon to be he-bitches pipsqueaks.

Look, I guess your right. I do have trust issues, I have a wall up. But you knew that when you met me didn't you now? I mean, that's why I don't say I love you to anyone and why it took me 2 years just to say it to my BEST friend. Why it took me YEAR to realise that I even liked Ryan. I'm not deliberately trying to hurt you but this is me. I'm not used to telling my close best friend everything because I didn't have a best friend growing up. I kept things to myself and that's a skill I perfected over the years. Frankly I don't even trust my college mates(except for one Chinese babe in glasses and that's because she trusts me. It's a matter of returning respect) but there you go. I DO tell you things but you can't expect EVERYTHING can you? I'm tired of explaining myself so now I'll say this: If you think I'm a bitch for keeping certain things to myself then I can't change that. And after the stunt you pulled.. You say you care for me but you never think OF me. You seem to assume that I'll forgive you for your screwup's. I'll always be there when you get drunk to make sure your okay. You seem to forget that I might wanna let loose too. Time and time again you abuse the faith I have in you because YOU have faith that I'll never stop having faith in you. Confused? Good. Stop testing your boundaries before you lose it all. You keep proving me wrong and I'm finding it hard to think of reasons why I should have so much blind faith in you. I can't give you anymore blindness. Concern is beginning to feel like obligation and I hate feeling that way but I'm too tired, too drained to care. I forgive you but for the 1st time.. You've lost a little of my faith in you. And frankly, I don't know how your going to get it back, or if you ever will.