In The Mind Of A Ku-Ku Case.

Noble Fairytales.

2011-03-26T09:48:00.000-07:00

We all live noble fairytales. They might differ person to person, but its core is always the same; we all want to live happily ever after. Only difference is that our versions of happiness are always different, always altered but most importantly, always our own. That is, if you look at it closely, what makes it so noble. We all have our own claim to that happily ever after and that is something no person, situation or element can ever, should ever, take away from us. We all dream noble fairytales. We all dream of happiness THAT is the truest from of nobility.

These are stories of people so different and their stories of finding happiness, losing it, and fighting for it.

He had reached rock bottom. He could no longer hide behind his pride, because he had none left. He could not hide behind his words because he had nothing left to say. He could not hide behind his thoughts, for he feared them; they were always brutally honest, telling him things he knew were true but never wanted to admit. He didn’t want to admit he needed help. But he had nothing left to hide, nothing left to lose. He who had everything under control, didn’t anymore.

Now, don’t get me wrong, he was not a pessimist. In fact, he was probably one of the most optimistic people you would ever meet; glass half full and all that (which, for a pessimist if you are one, is complete and utter rubbish) But he was also a realist and in the situation he was in – he was realistically fucked.

Bit by bit his day got worse; little stabs here and there, stinging him like a paper cut. But he wouldn’t have it, he was too busy. Assignments, work, other shit, and most importantly.. he friends had problems and they needed him, because he was always the one with the answers. So he did what he always did, what he knew best. He placed all his crap on that rickety shelf of his. It was overflowing already, creaking from the weight of everything, but he found some space to put more crap. They could wait to be solved later. He went on with his day, barely thinking about that overflowing shelf of shit. He listened and advised his friends, finished his almost due assignment, finished his work and kept himself busy. Then the end of the day drew in, enclosing him finally with a moment of peace. He shut his eyes briefly, hoping to wonder off into a quick dream, taking him away. He closed his eyes..

He was in a room, it look very much like the room from his childhood; toys strewn all over the place, a little scobby-doo night light in the corner, sun flooding in from the bay window. He walked in to the room, looking around, feeling calm wash over him. But just as he took a deep breath, wanting to savour this moment, he hears a loud creak. He turns around and then.. That overloaded shelf (which he didn’t notice was there earlier) came crashing down. ON HIM. He woke up with a start. He should have known that that moment wouldn’t last. Like a storm of bullets, all that he wanted to forget and ignore came at him, piercing his skin, his heart; making it hard to even move, becoming visible on that usually cheerful face of his. But he wasn’t going to let anyone know of course. So he put on his usual mask, waving off looks of concern from his friends, pretending like everything was okay but in truth, a war was raging inside him. He went to bed that night without a doubt in his mind he wouldn’t actually be getting much sleep.

Now, you might be wondering what on earth could be turning mister optimistic here into a complete wreck. Well, YOU try living with a family who are constantly disappointed you because you do not share their ideologies. YOU try having all your little faults (or what they THOUGHT were faults) talked about, but having your accomplishments shunned and ignored. YOU try being someone who wants nothing more than to be accepted for who he is, but constantly being told who he is wasn’t good enough. YOU try living with ridiculous expectations. YOU try having the one person on your side leave you without warning, forcing you to fend for yourself. YOU try having to make a choice between their happiness and your own. YOU try hating what they do to you and how they make you feel; but want nothing more than their acceptance and their love at the same time.

Apparently he was right; it was a restless night and he woke up feeling even more exhausted and worn out. He wanted to just curl up and not get up, dreading to face the day and whatever new shit it had to throw his way. But miss another class and he gets barred from his exams; now what wouldn’t be an ideal situation now would it? He went about his morning routine and then walked over to the balcony to let the sun in. He pulled back the curtains; and in that moment, nothing else mattered. It was one of those days where the light was just right, the breeze was just right.. Everything was just right. The kind of day you wished you could bottle up and keep in a safe, secret place. All was well for once.

To be continued.

Chaos.

2010-12-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

You tell me you’re willing to give up an opportunity of a lifetime to try to give us another shot, to right your wrongs, to earn my trust again. I should be happy..

You’re sitting on the sofa with your head hanging low. I’m pacing the floor. Funny how a moment ago we were in the opposite position; with me on the sofa, head on knees and you were the one pacing. The sky is gray, like the sweater your wearing. Rufus Wainwright and Sigur Ros songs are playing in the background; but for once neither of us is listening.

I pace because I don’t know what else to do with my body, my limbs. I don’t want to stop and see your face. See the sadness in your eyes. The sadness that I caused. I pace because I don’t want you to know how fragile I am. How easily it actually is to sway me. That all you’d have to do is hold me and I’d take back my decision. The decision that neither of us want, but is what we need.

I have to appear firm with this decision, or else we’d be doomed.

You look away at the balcony, face unreadable and looking at nothing in particular. What are you thinking about? What are you feeling? I can assume, but won’t you just tell me your thoughts my love?

I glance at you. I have a million and one thoughts running through my head and a number of emotions coursing through my body; making me feel ill. Hurting you like this hurts me. Hurts me more than I thought it would.

This silence is heartbreaking.

It wasn’t silent earlier. Earlier we were arguing. It was messy with the sound of our raised voices and music and the sounds of the TV show neither of us were watching. I was telling you about what was going to happen. You were saying it didn’t have to be like this. That there was another way. I was telling you not to be stupid. That sacrificing your future for me wasn’t worth the risk. I told you that you knew this was coming for a while now. You ask me if this past few weeks haven’t been good, that we’d been good together. I look away and say it has; that’s why this is so much more harder to do.

But please, we both knew this was coming eventually. Don’t sit there and expect me to believe that you thought this sense of euphoria, this happiness would last. It’s been so long since we’ve held each other, and laughed at each other and did all those silly things we used to. You were so far away and now your not. It’s been so long, that we decided to ignore the elephant in the room, the cloud that was rolling in, at least for awhile. That’s why we did it. Because, just for a little while, we wanted things to be happy and how they used to be. We both know why. We wanted to enjoy each other before we said goodbye.

We knew it would make things harder in the end, but we didn’t care. I wasn’t thinking about the repercussions of taking that ring and wearing it, of playing tag with you, of letting you hold my hand, letting you kiss me, letting sweep me off my feet all over again. I knew better, but I didn’t care. I regretted it when nightfall came, when I was alone with my thoughts. But that regret was brief. Now I think it will never leave me.

I’m sorry for so many things. I’m sorry I used you. I’m sorry I let things just stay stagnant where there were. I’m sorry I was a big part of why we never moved on when we said we would. I’m sorry I took the ring, gave you hope that we would be okay. I’m sorry it took me this long to let us go, to realise what was right and doing it. I’m sorry what’s right fucking hurts. I’m sorry I have to hurt you this way baby. I’m sorry I’m the bad guy. I’m sorry I’m following my head and what’s rational, instead of following my heart like you do.

But you wear your heart on your sleeve for me. I’m still trying to figure out how to show mine to you.

I can’t take this anymore. I hate seeing you this dejected. I want to hold you, tell you everything is going to be alright. Take back what I’ve just said, the decision I’ve just made. But that’s what got us in this mess in the first place didn’t it. You have no clue the power you have over me. The sway you have. I can’t trust myself around you; around you all my inhibitions fade away which isn’t always a good thing. With you, my steadfast spirit floats away like wisps of smoke.

I stop pacing. I look at you sitting there, head hanging low. I hold on to myself. To stop myself from shaking, from falling apart; maybe I’m trying to keep my decision from breaking apart too. Your hair is long and messy. You kept it that way cause you know I like it like that way. You take off your glasses and put them back on. You look up again, looking at everything and nothing in particular. Not looking at me. I feel my throat getting tight. Shit, I’m such a fool aren’t I. I walk over to you and get down on my knees so I can look up at your face. I push my body between your legs and take your face in my hands. I smile sadly up at you. I hate seeing you this sad. I hate making you this sad. I stroke your hair and say “Maybe there’s another way…”

so much for moving on.

Looking a Little Differently.

2010-09-05T02:10:00.000-07:00

Once, I was in a crowded bus. It was packed to the brim with locals and foreigners, all sense of personal space ignored. There I stood, a somewhat arrogant and cheeky smile playing on my face. Strangers stared at me with nowhere else to look; wondering, puzzled about what I was laughing at. Why, you of course. Isn't it obvious? In this packed bus, I laugh at those who have seemed to have lost all sense of manners and decency that our parents instilled in us at tender ages. All manners and decency, lost (or at the very least, momentarily stored away) as they push in and out, all fighting for that empty seat or as they elbow another for more room.

I use my naturally big eyes to search and scan, but most if all to observe. I see the old grandmother hanging on for dear life as the driver makes sharp turns (far too sharp for a vehicle that big) And the teenage boy seated right in front of her, doing his best to avoid her eyes.. And the guilt. I see many wary faces. I see the annoyed man, annoying others by pushing against them. I watch the over-exaggerated facial expressions of people having some sort of worthless conversation about that cute guy that they regularly stalk. I smile at the silliness of it all, how barbaric people become over something as petty as an open seat. What silly folk these people were! I would never do that. Never would I compromise my virtues the way they do.

But still, I liked to watch. It's amusing what people do when they think others aren't watching. Perhaps that is why God gifted me with my big, almond shaped eyes. So I could see the beauty, the truth, the horror or the amusement in the little things. To admire that of which people usually shun and ignore. Perhaps He wanted me to notice. So there I was; observing, seeing, and noticing.

Then my eyes fell upon a man. He was an old man, seated by the window. No one paid him any mind; in fact, most avoided him because of his vagabond appearance. His clothes were faded and tattered, his face dull and hidden behind an untidy, unkept, bushy moustache. He was probably even responsible for one of the many exotic smells wafting throughout the cramped bus. But his eyes were what caught my eye. His eyes had a mischievous twinkle. They were the one youthful thing about him. This roused my curiosity. He too scanned around him, his moustache twitching every time he smiled. He looked around, laughed, muttered to himself. Frankly he looked mad to the rest of the temporary occupants of the evening bus; but I knew different; I recognised that somewhat arrogant, somewhat knowing and cheeky smile, because the same smile was playing across my face.

At one point he noticed me watching, and for the longest moment I have ever experienced, we stared at each other with that same smile, with that same cheeky twinkle in our eyes. That was when I realised something I should have a long time ago. I want to grow old to be that old man; I want to be as observant as I am now, if not more. I want to know that little inside joke. I don’t care if I looked mad; I wanted to be someone who had experienced the world. I wanted to be someone who could sit in a crowded bus and have the RIGHT to mock people’s awful behaviour in my head, to watch them. I want to have eternally youthful eyes. I never want to tire of watching.

His stop came before mine. He had barely gotten up, and already a lady that looked like a ball of jell-o was pushing and shoving to claim the seat for herself. She shoveed the old man out of the way and he shakes his head in annoyance and mutters something sarcastic that makes me laugh. He looks up, sees me watching. And just before he gets off the bus, he takes one last look at me and we enjoy a laugh together. There we were, strangers. But in that crowded bus, we were friends with our own inside joke; because we both saw things others didn’t. We were of same kin.

My First.

2010-09-03T10:37:00.000-07:00

I first had the itch to get one abut 5 years ago. I didn't know much about it at all at the time, except for the hideous misconception that people who had them were 'bad'. I wondered if I was bad too, or weird for wanting one.Then I started pondering of what I should get. I asked my dad's permission. He told me to research and pray before I do something I was going to regret, so I did. I researched and fell in love with the art of tattooing. The history, the cultures, the stories mesmerized me. I couldn't get enough. I knew so much about it, made me want one even more. Till today, I say it was my love of tattoos that made me truly appreciate and fall in love with art. I was never an artsy fartsy person. Perhaps it was just cause I hadn't found that one medium that could truly draw me in. But one day I saw this piece on this guys arm; It was fantastic, colourful with that contradictory element which I love so much. Sadistic yet quirky. I wanted to know where he got the inspiration for such a tattoo, and found out it was actually a painting by an artist. I quickly Google-d this artist, started looking at artist like him.. and the rest I guess you could say was history.

The idea definately evolved over the years. It went from being just one word, to having a script. Went from Kanji to Hebrew to Sanskrit till it finally became Tengwar (elvish)

The word was faith. My faith in my fellow men, which was both my strength and my weakness. My strength because I had faith in people when no one else did. I never judged them. I chose to see the best in them, gave them the benefit of the doubt that many of us never receive. But it was truly my weakness because some would abuse that trust I had in them. Knew I would forgive them; so making the same mistake wasn't an issue cause they knew I'd forgive them. It gets harder and harder to have faith when one keeps abusing it so. My Faith in God, Which was my all. My principals and beliefs and my convictions all revolved around His teachings and I thank Him for that. And that is why I KNOW this was not a mistake. I do not regret it. Not now, not ever. It came out beautifully, more amazing than I imagined.

Thank you Tanith, Kirstie, JonJon, and Honey for being there. It meant alot to me.

Now may I present to you:

FAITH

My Strength, My weakness, My all.

(August 4th 2010)

LONG Overdue.

2009-12-31T19:39:00.000-08:00

2009 came and went. It's a brand new day, brand new year. More storms and bright shiny days. to come. And I can't wait.

In rewind:
Thinking back to 2008 and realising how much has happened since then and 2009 is mind blowing. Did all that really happen only within a year?

New weirdo's to call my friends. And reconnecting with old ones.
I've been fortunate enough to meet a plethora of wonderful characters. I still can't wrap my head around the fact that its only been less than a year since I met Tanith. My 1st impression of her wasn't a good one, I thought she didn't much care for me but how did that change. Through this tall, big feet British Malay I got the pleasure of meeting and becoming close friends with Kirstie(Fernando), Rekha, Shoba, and so many more of her random friends. With them I had many late night adventures and found new concert buddies.

2009 also allowed me to meet Amanda Anne Felix, Divanesh Chandra, Preveent and Nadia. We banded together to make Tiki Night and have been friends ever since. I who originally thought Diva and Manda were older than me was surprised to know they were in fact lepas SPM. They make me smile daily and although Diva can be loud and well, Diva-ish at times, his still one of kind. Through this loud bloody Indian and my little bimbo, I met Roshini and Vidya and Suhaib and Sandra. Roshini will never fail to make adorable remarks which never fail to warm you heart. Geourgues Vidya and her smart wit. And because of them I can now proudly say yes, I do have Indian friends! From Klang even! (Doesn't make me any less racist though lol)

I rekindled some flamed friendships and through those I got even more new friends. Jilly. She's matured and changed thank God. Still needs a knock on the head now and again but who doesn't. Through her I met Aaron Jay. Haha, just thinking of him makes me giggle. His pranks, his cheeky glint in his eyes, his straight serious face when telling the most unbelievable of stories and the kinship I feel with him, both of us coming from bizarrely similar family backgrounds.

Amer. My form 3 class mate. Always late, always sleeping, always eating. I was thrown into a class I hated in from 3 and that skinny idiot made it bearable, just by snoring slightly beside me everyday. My English and Science teacher used to call him Sleeping Beauty. If I had finished my English and science work fast I would just do his as well if I was that bored. Our teacher would look, know my handwriting and I'd just say "Miss, even if he was awake he's still copy my work so no difference haha." She's say I have a point and we both would let him continue sleeping.
Atiqah. Met her during basketball and became I became fast friends with this senior of mine as we both came uber early and was my nasi lemak buddy. I haven't seen either of them for almost 2 years and hanging out with them was a WONDERFUL breath of fresh air. The late nights I've been spending with them, the 3 of us making mini adventures of our own in that one month will never be forgotten.

I randomly started a conversation with Caleb Khew one day and we've been friends ever since. With, sarcasm, bloody cheap idiot but is an excellent driver when there's free fast food and awesome possum taste in music. There are still some people who cannot believe I'm somewhat close to him since his such a stonner. What the heck do you guys have in common/what do you guys talk about are the usual questions when I tell them I was watching a movie or had dinner with that unholy bum. He calls me home wrecker/google maps/ googlemapshomewrecker/ love guru and drives me up the wall sometimes, but his lovable in his own annoying way.

Fresh Starts. New Adventures.
Aljer found someone who drives him mad in a good and bad way. He thinks I don't really approve but I do and my concern isn't about Alan's past or indesgrecions; I couldn't be bothered as long as he treats Aljer-kins proper.

Many firsts. I rode on an elephant, fed it, pet a sheep, came face to face with a wild monkey who decided to say hi, started learning to wear makeup, started my long overdue return to Catholic church (I'm still a protestant, but I've always missed the awe and little girl comfort and safety mass used to give me) became more vocal about my political, social, and religious views, all of which have been churning in my head, waiting to come out and be heard.

Survived by myself. Dad went home to Sabah and although I miss him everyday it comforts me to know that his happy and I'm proud of myself for holding down the fort all on my own despite certain unfortunate mishaps.

I got robbed. Came home to a buglar in my house who was more scared than I was. I wasn't scared, I was pissed. I was furious of the idea a random stranger going through my stuff. I thank God I knew self defense, that he didn't take anything, that he didn't have a knife, that he didn't leave any permanant damage; on my home or me.

What I'm most proud of? I've become less tolerant to bullshit. I took actions to get rid of the bad rubbish in my life. I'm tougher but still me. My faith in people not lost, but harder to earn or rather keep. The idea of losing friendships (as precious as it might have been) does not pain me anymore if it is for the best. I go out of my way for people or situations that deserve it. I choose my battles, my comrades, and my choices more wisely now.

Thank you Lord, for bringing the storm. You said I would weather it well, and that I would come out of it strong and renewed and I have. With you beside me to guide me, I am now able to face the next wave. I have truly been blessed within the good and the bad of this year. Thank you for this year Lord, it's been a blast.

Assume Not.

2009-10-13T22:04:00.000-07:00

Do not assume to teach me the ways of the world, for I know more of its ways that you assume to. You shall advise, teach, but do not assume you are teaching an insolent child, for that I am not. Do not mistake my anger for a spoilt child's outbreak, for that will only enrage me more, making my loathing grow. My anger should be taken seriously, even though it is unlike yours. I may be fairer in years, but do not shun my experience, the events that have made up my life thus far.
Have you seen what my eyes have seen? Have you heard the sounds I have heard, both beautifully haunting and terrifying? Have you tasted what my lips, my tongue have? The sinfully sweet and horribly bitter? Have your hands touched the skin of the men, women and children I have? Have the same scents I have smelt caressed your nose as well?

I doubt it has, I doubt you know about any of it. The same can be said about myself in your shoes. But I do not assume to know your world, to know more than you. All I ask is for that same respect which I have given you, that of which you have failed to cherish or share.

So I say this. Do not assume you can teach someone about something they already know. Do not assume you know more about the world, for I shall surely rebuke you.

There is not right or wrong in our interpretation of the world and its ways.

Long overdue, cut short.

2009-10-09T22:23:00.000-07:00

Okay so a big huge mush THANK YOU to all those of you who came through for me these past week or so. YOU GUYS ROCK MY SOCKS!

For those of you who didn't know, I recently came home to a thief who attempted to rob and attack me. He didn't get to do either thankfully cause in the end other than raiding my fridge, he didn't have time to steal anything (got time to eat no time to steal lol) cause I came home when I did and he tried running away whereby he tried attacking me but self defense classes paid off so he didn't nail his punches and ran. I am also now homeless cause my family will not let me live in my own home and I am now crashing at Maxxie's house.

Updates you say? Well now let's see.

I made a new (well, somewhat) friend! Her name be Amanda, she be amazing. (pic below).
Kishy-kins is officially an adult! 21 baby!
I'm the new, somewhat reluctant president of Rotaract.
My 19th! It was awesome! Spent the eve of with Mel & Tanith at an Arabian place, the day of with Manda and her family, and the night of with AbgBesar, Aljer, their boyfriends and Honey-chan. (pics below)
Pahang Trip. Met cute German guy, played with sheep and an assortment of animals and got bruised and battered from 4 wheel drive jungle trekking. Also got elbowed in the face by Honey but it way all good, it was worth it! (pics below)
Indian Cultural Night. Indians and drama go hand in hand. (pics below)
MTV World Stage. (pics below)

In regards to update number 3, I also decided to drop a bombshell and announce my new Vice. I know there is going to be a lot of people who are not going to be happy with my decision, some have already voiced it out to others but at this point, with the amount of work I have to do to fix this club, I can't afford to take care of other's feeling. I'm trying to ensure what's best for the club and this is what I believe is best. I need someone who I have faith can do work and pull through the stress. I know some might think it was a rash decision made in the spur of the moment, but that isn't the case. I've put plenty of thought into this and like I said yesterday, if you have a problem or questions about it come see me and I'll do my best to ease any worries you might have regarding this. You all said I can do this and you all have my back so this is my 1st act as president, so support me now, you didn't doubt I could be president, don't doubt me now.

Manda!

my 19th! (yes I sticker censored my boobies)

Pahang madness.

Indian Cultural Night. Spot the new Vice.

World stage, Hoobastank *faints*

Dude, You're Such A Girl.

2009-07-03T05:17:00.000-07:00

Dude, I can swear I've never had a bad word against you(and the only shit I've had against you I told you about it to your face so dare you say otherwise) so my question is, after months of silence, you out of nowhere come and attack me with rumours and decide to be all close and cuddly with someone who YOU hated with the fury of hades.. you sakit mane?

Even she thinks you are behaving like a girl. And I couldn't agree more. You suddenly decide to hate me for no valid reason(PMS) and then go gossip worse than aunties, then decide it's your civic duty to 'warn' people that I'm the spawn of satan and I'm gonna murder all of them in their sleep, spread rumours which are so far from true that they fucking probably originated from Timbuktu, get involved in matters that have NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU, bitch about me some more to another bitch, act all friendly with me to my face and bitch two seconds later.. You're more of a girl than I am wei. Congratulations.

I'd suggest a sex change but I don't want my friend to become a lesbian cause she's dating you.

I'm not angry, I'm just confused why you PMS and take it out on me. But yea my advice to you is this: get your fact straight before you bitch so YOU don't look like a fool, you not happy with me you fucking come talk to me properly like a normal adult(since you claim to be one) and stop putting women folk to shame, we got the drama shit down already.

2009-06-28T05:47:00.000-07:00

Hello. Went to cousin's place today. Had a durian and cempedak FEAST. Played with my adorable niece and nephew. Did four winnie the pooh puzzles 5 times over. Took my 'boyfriend' for a walk. Now stuck on marketing assignment.

There was still SO many left that we hadn't opened yet.

The man behind the fruits

He loves the mangosteens

Even the doggies wanted in on the action.

Mori, Honey & Shopping.

2009-06-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

My dinner.

This is going to be a very high school girly 'OMG' post so bear with me ya? This past week or so I've spending more time with my bestie, Honey. Why is that so special? Cause we haven't seen each other in awhile and we're a little back dated on each other's lives. We're total opposites, but its amazing that no matter how long we haven't seen each other, when we do, everything just falls into place, as if we just saw each other yesterday. She knows my habits, I know hers. She knows my likes and dislikes, and I know hers. She doesn't force me to divulge anything I don't want to, she knows my views on certain things like i love you's cause she feels the same way. She doesn't need a ku-ku case dictionary, she's the freaking author. The one who deciphers me best, facial expressions and intonations and all. And now the fact we're besties has been proven further. How? Well, she's a Vincci fan and she was itching to get a pair which she fell in love with. And she did get them. But guess what? So did I. Hers is gold, mine is silver. Just like us, totally different, but match perfectly.

Haha! this fits us so well cause back in high school she would always complain how she wanted bigger boobies and I wanted smaller ones (I almost cried when I went from B to C ok) And she would randomly karate chop my non-existant longkang between my boobies, especially during P.E and I was so used to it I stopped trying to stop her and act like biasa only and people would stare at us weirdly like wtf. Haha! ahh.. good times..

The shoes mentioned above. *slurp*

Oh, and me got me new shades too!

The girl who thought me how to ham it up for the camera.

Haha, and I ruin her moment lol.

My very own china doll. Love you babe. And you know I mean it.

Boogaloo.

2009-06-23T09:12:00.000-07:00

Hola. So yesterday I had an interesting conversation with my favourite little goth that went something like this:

*Sasha tries calling me. I cancel the call and proceed to text her*
YoursTruly: I'm in class. What's up? Are you okay?
Sasha: Yes, I'm fine, I know this is gonna sound weird to you but I had a VERY disturbing dream last night in where I read you obituary! You died.

So apparently, according to my obituary, I died from murder. I was shot in the head from a crazy ex-boyfriend in one of those 'If I can't have you, nobody can!' situations. Nice to know I'm shoo special lol wtf. It must have been one hell of a long obituary. A long winded obituary for a long winded person, how apt.

Honestly, I'm rather.. disappointed. I mean, I always thought if I was going to get murdered, it would be in the same way I myself would kill. Something slow, gruesome, torturous and messy. Being shot in the head is too easy, you die way too fast and hardly enough blood. But ah well, dreamers can't be choosers I guess.

How would you choose to get murdered? Any preferences?

Yes, I'm twisted, sadistic and morbid. Blame fairy tales dude, its what made me this way.

YoursTruly just came home from watching Transformers. It be awesome! Jetfire was a funny old geezer and bumblebee is just too adorable. I was lucky to have a manic fan sitting beside me (Max) which just made the experience all the more fun, minus the random fist bumps. There was one point where I didn't like a certain angle of a certain scene and that made me smile thinking "that's the future broadcaster in me talking wheee!"

Especially dedicated to Caleb and his reverence for the H of S.H.E.

HEBE IS PRWEETY.

Happy mister? =)

The Ku-ku Case Dictionary(translations provided)

2009-06-22T03:54:00.000-07:00

What Ku-ku?! = What nonsense you talking about?

Mampus aku. = I'm a dead duck.

kau giler ke?! = are you mentally disturbed?

Siou kah??!! = Are you mentally disturbed chinese version

Whack you upside down! = I shall turn you on your head and administer a beating.

yao mou gao cuo ah = dude, you serious??

Oh mak kau babi hutan pukimak sial = Comes out when ku-ku case melatar's.

Babi hutan = You is a wild boar.

Dude = Dude.

Alrighty! = Yes, ok.

Awesome Possum! = that possum is so awesome.

Betui? = Betul kan?

If you say so. = Only said if Ku-ku casee is pissed off/merajuking/ whatever dude.

Thank you for spending time reading this brief but insightful.. whatever this is. Kaythanksyoubyemuax.

Tiki Tiki.

2009-06-16T04:47:00.001-07:00

There was joy, laughter, arguments, drama, scandals, pranks, deadlines, happy faces, not-so happy faces, and an all out rocking session. No, I'm not talking about a new reality tv show, I'm talking about Orientation Night for the June session 2009 hosted by the Rotaract Club. It's finally over and all of us can breathe a sigh of relief. Adrian and Adel did a fantastic job, kudos to them. I just hope I didn't disappoint Adrian as his second in command. I knew I could have definitely done better, and there are moments where I let my irritation for someone and stress of the whole situation get the better of me but hopefully I made up for it. All in all it was a good night, sponsors were happy and so were we. Reza Salleh and Black Light Banquet(Yes, I remember your bands name) were awesome possum of course we could have planned a more rocking event but I think all in all, with the time limit and challenges we had, I think we did ok. You could definitely see the amount of relief in everyone's faces once everything was done and you could feel it in the way all of us were letting loose and joking around during the after party. Haha, the after party was cool. Mindy is such an Indian and conspiracy was born at that table. To the entire committee, awesome job guys. Thank you so much for putting in your time, effort, blood and sweat. Now, the shaping of the new Rotaract.

Oh, last week a few of us had an impromptu old mates gathering with a few of my high school mates. It was nice, it was fun. I liked Adrian's tie. Ate at Ole' Ole' Bali and then minus a few of them, we had a mamak session in usj 1. Oh and I created a new trend. At a red traffic light, whip out you camera, roll down the window, and take picture of the other car of friends, subsequently blinding the rest of the road with you shocking flash. Yes, I'm a trend setter. Pictures pictures.

Omg I miss her so so so much.

With 2 awesome possum dudes.

While waiting for convoy car no. 3

Reunion.

Too Much, Too Soon, Too Fast.

2009-06-04T07:26:00.000-07:00

It was a game. A simple game among those who knew each other for years, for a month, or didn't know each other at all. But that made the game more dangerous, more exciting. Secrets revealed, the answers to questions you may never find out otherwise. The game was simple enough. It was called S&P. One had to say a word and the next person had to say another word that related but no words that starts with the letter S or P. Penalty was to answer to a question. A truth.

They started the game. They were sitting beside each other. a girl and a boy. The girl, someone who was breathing. Breathing new air after ending a relationship with someone that was well, rather amazing. But alas, circumstances. She had put a lot of heart and even some soul into that relationship, learning to do the impossible for her.. Trusting without her guards up. But that trust was taken away from her and now here she was, putting on convincing fronts. Healing from the rage of losing it, and mourning the loss of him.

Then there was the boy. A boy who has had feelings for the girl for a long time. Feelings that at moments in time, were returned, albeit briefly. It had only been a week since the said break up, and it was rather bittersweet for him. Watching her cry and mourn, knowing how much she wanted to make that relationship with the other boy work made his heart hurt. He didn't like seeing her unhappy, and losing him was making her unhappy. But then again, he has said, confessed to her that he would wait, wait for this day to come so that he can finally make her his, and that day has finally come. She knew how he felt for her. She just needed to heal and he was already waiting, what was a little longer. And he knew how fragile she was. She's was close to being his and they would both be happy, he knew it. But for now, they were still friends. For now.

The boy got a penalty. Everyone was laughing, smiling eagerly as they thought of the perfect question to ask this boy they were meeting for the first time. Finally it came, from one of the girl's close friends. "How do you really feel about the girl?"

He answered "Honestly? Well, I'm not gonna lie, I'm madly in love with this girl. Have been for a long time. And I understand why whats-his-face would want to find a way to keep her, she's a gem, but I wouldn't lie to her for eight months to do it. I'd never lie to her."

Around her, her friends were going "aww!" and waxing poetic on how poetic it was. But not her. Her smile dropped, she became quiet. Later that night she shouted at her friend who asked that question, saying it was out of line for him to do so. He didn't see how she could be upset, that she should be happy. But she wasn't. She was freaked out. She felt like she was on a plank and her friends were pushing her closer and closer to the edge. This was getting out of hand. She knew the boy was a good guy, that she would be happy with him. But isn't it her choice who she dates? Is it wrong that she wants to enjoy her newly found freedom? She knew he was waiting and she felt bad for him, but she had told him time and time again not to. She didn't want him to. She wanted everything to stop. The waiting, the constant teasing from friends, how barely even a week into her breakup, there they are calling him her future boyfriend. Yes they were close, and yes they sometimes behaved as a couple would but she knew she had to give him commitment, that he deserves it but that was something she could not give him or anyone for awhile. It was all spinning around her. It was too fast too soon and she felt like she was being tossed into a whirlpool. She felt sorry for doing this to the boy, felt like crap for hurting him. But she had to get out. Too much, too fast, too soon.

The boy looked at his phone for the millionth time. No messages from the girl. It's been that way for about a week now. Since that night. He knew she was fragile and now he had scared her away. He forced too much on her, too fast, too soon. He felt like such an idiot, because after all those months of waiting, in one night, in one sentence, he got impatient and restless. And now he had lost her. The boy looked at his phone again knowing it was not going to ring.

Slow down. For both our sakes.

Who Knew Sin Tasted This Heavenly?

2009-05-19T00:08:00.000-07:00

Quick update. HippieAccountant is officially more happening than YoursTruly is. He went to Vietnam leaving me to my own vices. Which means cooking up a storm, cleaning the place spotless(Aiyo why do I sound like such a housewife!) and perfecting my plans to take over the Hollywood movie industry.

On Saturday Bryan had his "Sinfully Delicious" themed house warming party. You know what that means? It means a WHOLE party FULL of goodies galore! We had bite sized portions of things like steak and Shepard's pie and stuff but the rest.. I've never seen so many chocolates, cakes, and all kinds of deserts in my life. PURE SIN. I loved the atmosphere of it all. The party was being held on the roof of his condo and I went earlier during the day to help him out with putting up the decorations and just running errands. Wine and deserts. Enough said. Company was cool too minus a few wet blankets(read:Andrew) Funny event of the night was that one of his friends(who was drunk mind you) tried to 'officialise' his bedroom. Bryan and I were bringing up more wine glasses when we heard noises haha. After the party was over and most of the guest except the close friends had left, we went down to his place and had a second round of drinking, talking and laughing till the cows came home. It was a joke of the night that everybody looked like they just had the orgasm of their lives and everybody kept moaning that people were going to start to think that we were having some sort of orgy going on. A whole night of deserts, wine and laughs.. mmm..

Pictures will be up soon. I didn't take any cause HippieAccountant took my baby to Vietnam but I'll get them from a friend of his who was snapping away the whole night. Toodles.

Forget.

2009-05-09T07:11:00.000-07:00

Shake your head, move your feet, sway your hips, stomp your feet. Jump. Do not care ab0ut what's playing, the melody, fast or slow, just move. Let the beat vibrate your bones, seep into your skin, soak you in its sin. Let it take you high, let it become your high. Feel its roar in your ears, but its whisper in your thoughts. Forget those around you. Lose yourself in its touch. His not touching you, it is. Feel its breath down your neck, feel your flesh get warmer. Delight in the goosebumps it gives you. Feel its nail rake across your skin, tantalising. Let it give you the tingles you crave. For a night, no one knows. You are surrounded by bodies. Bodies who do not know you. Bodies who can't judge you. You are not you for a night. You can't cry anymore, can't scream any louder. So let it go this way. Let it take it away for you. Even for a moment. Forget. Lose yourself. Risk it. Numb yourself. Block it all out.

What is this? I have no clue either. It was in parchments in my head, I merely organised them. Make of it what you will.

These Days.

2009-05-04T07:10:00.000-07:00

Yes, I truly am the most useless blogger ever. So here goes with the updates.

How was my holidays? Awesome possum! I started it off by going to Penang. Stayed 3 days, 2 nights. That's where I became fast friends with Navin a.k.a Bear in the Big Blue House. I've also been taking heavy dosages of clubbing(throughout the holidays, not in Penang) which is unlike me but hey, it's the holidays so whatever. Helo Bali may not be all that awesome club wise, but it does play awesome music. No drinking required to get your feet out on that dance floor. Then I attended the MMU Prom 09' at Sunway Resort. I was AbgBesar's date for the night. Although I looked like a lost little lamb who knew no one, but it was not bad, seriously. I just hope I wasn't a lousy date. But on the plus side, I got to see Honey-Chan again who I missed very the much.

This rock formation island thing which reminds us of those big monsters from Ultraman.

My date.

Besties Reunited.

After that I went to Sabah which was FANTASTIC. I went to Manukan island where the water was just amazingly crystal clear. We went snorkeling, didn't even realise we swam so far. And guess what? I freaking kissed a blowfish! It was SHOOOO cute!! We even got our hands on that gamat(sea cucumber) thing which was all slimy, poor Nicole had to hold on to it, and frankly it looks like a penis. And it was so geli to have the fishes all SWARMING around you when they sense the food. Delightful, but also somewhat geli. I literally FOUND NEMO! I also had the most awesome seafood dinner ever and I although my grandfather did try to hook me up with a distant cousin again, I managed to give him the slip. So yea, I ain't going to be marrying my cousin(distant or otherwise) anytime soon.

Almost a day after coming back, Melissa, Jilly, Navin and I travelled up to Genting(it being Mel's 1st time) and spent a day trying out the rides, getting soaking wet and freezing our tails off. Navin has found my most ticklish spot and plans to have fun torturing me.

Bear in the big blue hou..oops, I mean Bear in the Big Green Elephant!

Yumm.. My hair looks so good..

Yes, I show the fang!*cringes*

Dammit! Why can't my hair always look like this?!

I don't think I've rested all that much during this supposedly relaxing holiday but hey, I had fun. I did things I haven't done before and made quite a few friends along the way. Pretty awesome way to start the new semester don't you think?

The rest of the pictures can be found on Facebook here.

I can't wait for Senpai to come home! I would count the days, but I won't since he won't tell me when exactly his coming back grrr. I think the strain of not seeing him and just not being able to hold him for all this time is finally getting to me and as a result I'm becoming impatient for his return.

Maybe this semester I'll be more prepared for the storms to come, since I know their closing in. I handled the waves, bring on the storm. I know You will be there, waiting for me in the eye of the storm. You ARE the eye of the storm. That one place of comfort in the center of all the chaos. I thirst for You. I seek Your comfort. I know You're there waiting for me, and by my side in the meantime.

Eventful Weeks.

2009-03-13T07:37:00.000-07:00

Events & Happening. Banyak yang berlaku, tapi malas saya nak berkata-kata. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. Inilah sedikit sebanyak yang berlaku dalam beberapa minggu yang telah berlalu.

Getting featured in KLUE Magazine.

Ramesh's sister's wedding/First time in a sari/drinking session.

Jason Mraz Concert.

Raj/Grandaddy's Birthday @ Rock Cafe

2009-02-22T23:14:00.000-08:00

I came to a horrible realisation yesterday. I realised she is my kryptonite. But unlike a rare stone that only appears before me sometimes, she is something I cannot run away from. She is my connection of that which are dearest to me. Avoiding her means losing them. That is why time and time again I come back. I sometimes have to remind myself never to expect a good day after spending a little of it with Her. Whenever I am around Her, I feel myself get drained because it's draining to use, to feel so many emotions at once. Fear, Regret, ANGER, Hopelessness, LOVE, Annoyance, Disbelief. She always has a way of making me feel so useless, so horrible. Like I should have never been born. Like I am such a bother. Nothing I ever do is good enough, nothing I ever do can compare to Them. All the confidence I spent 5 years building and getting used to suddenly gets scared and decides to run away and hide behind a rock, leaving me exposed to receive the blows. When Confidence returns, I'm too far gone that It can't mend me, It can just mask the ugly scars, make everything picture perfect again. At least till the next time I see her. I realised for the first time yesterday, that I'm being bullied. By Her. But I can't afford a fight where I can lose things that are so precious to me. I don't Hate her. I can't do that because of who she is in my life. But sometimes I'm not sure if I love her. I don't know how I feel for her anymore. Friends say I should get the hell away, that they hate her for what she does, but it's not so simple. I wish it was.

Confidence, Simple Love, Please come back soon. She's gone for now.

And now this. I know your going through problems. But you need to TELL me about it rather than taking it out on me. I refuse to be an emotional punching bag again, not again. Not even for YOU. I can't believe I've put up with this. Where did fighter cock stubborn Pauline go? I told myself I will never be that kind of girl. The kind of girl that would put up with this kind of nonsense. I would be the Independent, modern girl. Heh, so much for that.

Who am I to tell other's that they are in an unhealthy relationship when I myself am in several?
I'm sorry Jilly.

Too many secrets are coming out and it's starting to scare me. They say it's a good thing, means I'm learning to trust the people around me more. But I don't feel that way. I don't feel happy about it, I feel daunting, like it's come back to haunt me, that They will use it against me.

Adel To The Rescue!

2009-02-09T05:30:00.000-08:00

I love it when it seems your life is shit, and bad things/drama/problems seem to be sexually attracted to you, and your beginning to think what a bitter day it is, then something creeps up and pleasantly surprises you and that thing, no matter how small or simple, makes your entire day not so shitty.

Example? Last week I woke up to one drama after another. By ten a.m I felt so overloaded on drama I wanted to curl up and go back to sleep. I woke up at 8 a.m By evening I was dead, gone and complaining what a bitter day it was and heading out to meet Michelle and Ramesh. I open my door and outside my door was a bag with my name on it filled with homemade cookies, Hershey's kisses and mandarin oranges. There was a note that said:

"To The Sweetest Little Girl Who Deserves Some Sweetness In Her Life Right Now"

P.S. Hope you like this little surprise.

AWWW!! I had no idea who sent it(till a few days later)but it just made my day! I got into the car giggling the odds and went to sleep with a smile on my face.

Anywho, some of the stuff that's been happening. My dad's car who I call my baby cause I sayang that thing got hit. Daddy-kins was fine, just limping slightly but my baby's hood have a 'V' shape and one headlight was smashed up good. Its the other dude's fault so all's good. Daddy-kins went to Sabah over the weekend so I had some awesome, much needed alone time. Saturday the 'family' went to Christin's place for her open house and it was quite the fun after some minor awkwardness. took pictures(below) and just hung out being silly as we are and it was fun to let loose cause I've been busy playing nurse this whole week and was majorly sleep deprived(Aid got beaten up and his back got slashed and infected and kept bleeding out. Nasty stuff, to wake up to realise your covered in your friends blood)

Then on Sunday Ramesh and I went to Michelle's aunt's steamboat/bbq which was divine! Food was good(I was THIS close to msg-ing Adel to gloat!)the company was awesome and some good 'developments' were made.(Aunty Michelle said pass yay!) Although somewhere near the night the I got some news(more drama) that sucked, but that was long forgotten when I went to see the boys at Rock Cafe. We were just hanging and managed to get some 'provocative' pictures of Ramesh and problems were long forgotten for the time being.

Today Michelle got into her 1st ever accident and since she's a 'P' she didn't want to go to the police and this arsehole of a man was trying to peras ugut her saying his damage cost 400 bucks which was total bull. It was actually both their faults and her car was worse than his but this mister decided to be a bully and Chelle was panicking so I called Adel to come and talk to the man but in the end the guy was a fucker and Chelle was fed up so we paid the guy and we were both having a fucked day. To add to it, I went home to find out my camera was missing. I was freaking and Adel comes to the rescue again by teman-ing me to Rock Cafe to see if it was there. IT WAS!!! Omg I was so happy my precious baby was safe! Chelle and I were squealing on the phone going mad in Adel's mosquito nest car. But on a serious note, as much as I hate to admit it (haha) Adel really pulled through for us today thank you so much Adel Ishak my nephew dearest for putting up with us and helping us out SOOO much I owe you dinner like seriously!(But I only have 17 bucks in my account right now from paying the motherfucker so sabar ya sayang?) Oh and kudos babe on surviving your 1st accident and surviving from your dad after!

Ironic(and somewhat irritating) how the person your trying to avoid is the one person you can't seem to run away from suddenly and that's the person that ends up coming to your rescue, sometimes in more ways than one.

A potentially crappy day turned out not so crappy cause of small pleasant surprises. I thank God for them cause if it wasn't for these simple pleasures I'd be dying under the load of everything that's happening.

Haha I like this shot!

The 'families' BUTT pose!

Say Dragon Dance!

Our Hero For The Day!

2009-01-20T06:14:00.000-08:00

Continuation of THIS STORY.

They would have been happy. They would go out on a date. She would be under dressed and he would be overdressed. They would laugh about it and go watch a movie. Then they would go eat dinner in a quiet restaurant and end up talking till they lost track of time. He would pay the bill and it would start to rain. He wouldn't have an umbrella in his car. He would be so worried about her getting soaked and falling sick. But she would laugh, grab his hand and run into the rain. They would play tag, chasing each other in the rain. They would enjoy themselves, not caring about what other thought when they saw them. She would hug him because he was warm, he was comfort, he was hope. He would hug her because she fit, she was free unlike he was, she was lovely. They would be free of their entrapment's, because they willed it so. He would kiss her forehead and run his fingers through her hair. They would head back to the car and he would send her home. They would sit in his car awhile, eating the chocolates he gave her cause he knew they were her favourite. She would kiss him and everything would change. Best friends would finally become lovers. He would finally realise that the girl that made his world stop turning was right beside him all along. He would realise that he was chasing a phantom before this, someone who would never truly love him the way she did. He would finally have someone who made him happy, sitting in his car. They would go home and smile to themselves, thinking of each other. They would wake up and meet at school, and everyone would know they were together. They would hold hands and smile and be happy. They would go home together and go on another date that night. They would start a brand new adventure together. They would love each other. She would make him happy, so happy. Best friends in love, they would have been happy together...

ALL THIS IF HE HAD TURNED AROUND.

Point Of View

2009-01-10T23:16:00.000-08:00

Happy new years people. You know what sucks? After hanging out with my 'family' from my college course almost every night since last sem, I still introduce them as my 'college mates.' Not friends, not family, college mates. Don't get me wrong I adore them, their extremely fun and have been awesome to me. I just don't trust them yet. I mean, obviously I do to a certain extent but it hasn't reached the point where I can let my guard down around them.I know they trust me, but I don't. Very mean of me I know but I can't help it. It's just the way it is, the way I am I guess. I doubt they've noticed it and here's hoping they don't. Everything in due time I guess. Anywho, in other news college has restarted and so far so good.

(But there ARE the few exceptions. But you'd be shocked who.)

Anywho, yesterday I was waiting on Ramesh to pick me up for our steamboat session and he was late as usual. So I was channel surfing and stumbled pleasantly on ntv7's new show called 'Point Of View' It was actually pretty interesting. It basically takes an issue and addresses it. It's good cause you get to hear BOTH sides of the story, both opinions. Anyways, yesterday's topic was on how Mukhriz something something(Sorry, tak ingat) suggested that vernacular schools be abolished and correct me if I'm wrong but he got put into ISA(which is another issue all together but let's not get into that one shall we?) So they invited one guy who was from an organisation that supports vernacular school's and he made some interesting points. But he was lackluster. He got cut off by the host plenty of times and his opinions lacked the conviction it needed for us to listen and pay attention to what he had to say. The only thing that really stuck in my head was what he said in the end when the host asked whether he thinks Mukhriz deserved getting out into ISA for saying what he did. He said "I may be against what he said, but that doesn't mean I want him there. I'm personally against ISA but that's another matter"

Then there was the other guy(okay so I suck with names) who if I'm not mistaken is a lecturer in UM who was for the idea of having one kind of national school. He was awesome. He got his point across in a steadfast yet laid back manner. He even banged the host a few times implying she didn't really know what she was talking about. He was saying how Chinese schools are better in maths and science but so what cause at the end of the day it's just vomiting out what they memorised. It doesn't make them smart, it makes them good at memorising facts and that ain't gonna help if they want a spot in Harvard or MIT. He also gave a point that I agree with but not alot of people seem to notice. Which is, kids from Chinese schools have a very hard time adapting cause Chinese becomes their 1st language and English is second. And we have to face facts, English is the language of the world. And it's true la, take my class alone for example, you have those Chinese school ones who are having such a hard time coping and they also tend to congregate among themselves. He also said that you shouldn't stereotype Chinese and Indians as well cause you can't force a Malayalam child to learn Tamil now can you? If you say a one national school system is taking away that right, isn't this the same thing? And it's not like they won't still be learning Chinese or Tamil. That's what Wawasan schools are about. He quoted someone which stated that if you want to make change in the country, it starts within the schools(or something along those lines)

To or for the idea, what say you? Anywho, I just think this show is damn interesting and you guys should check it out. It's on NTV7 at 8.30 on Fridays. Expand you mind sikit.

Happy Chinese New Year Peeps!`

Decisions Decisions..

2008-11-29T02:58:00.000-08:00

I just realised my last two post were very very emo. (probably why no one reads your blog, cause they don't want to start slicing themselves or lactating) So I'll keep it simple and tell you(whoever 'you' are) about what's been going on.

First off, those of you who know me personally knows I have this fascination for vampires(And now all of you do!) But that doesn't mean I want to look like one. See, one of my canines, or 'The Fang' as I fondly call it, juts out a little and it has made me feel very bad about my smile. I went to the dentist a while ago and asked him about it and he says I would have to wear braces. BRACES!! Now, I'm about to go into shallow blond bimbo mode here so please excuse me. Wtf braces for 2 years! That's my whole diploma course right there! How la, bf coming back I don't him to find out what metal taste like! I admit I'm somewhat of a nerd but I don't want to look like one!(some ppl can make grills work, I'm not one of those ppl trust me) Corey said my smile is fine and unless I'm a perfectionist I shouldn't get it done but the thing is.. I AM a perfectionist! Most have said that I shouldn't waste time, effort, money and pain on just one tooth but I reap benefits later on right? Don't know la, I really need to weight my options carefully. What you guys think? Braces = Yes? No?

Oh, I'm getting rm10,000 of tax payers money thanks to one very freaky incident that involves violence, shisha, the worst limau ice ever, bribery, alot of cursing(in English and Malay) molestation and chocolate brownies.

I cut my hair!(pictures below) The length I had it at before this was probably the longest I've ever had it and it became somewhat of a security blanket cause of the mark the blob's baby left behind and I miss seeing my hair spill over my boobs but blob's baby mark is slowly fading so I figured why not. The ends are all blunt and straight which I kind of like hehe. Another choice I have to make: Do I re-bleach my highlight(cause its grown out quite a bit) or just leave it and colour over the existing one?

Max is home! Finally! He came home a day before my finals and when I trying to read my notes in the car and ignoring him, he stopped the car, grabbed my notes, threw them into the boot and said I would only get them back after we go out and celebrate his great return. We came back at 10pm and I was too exhausted to study properly but thank God the exam was alright. He gifts consisted of 2 boxes. In the big box, there was a dress, necklaces, bracelets, little things here and there(he said if he saw something that reminded him of me he just got it awww!) and enough chocolate and candy that would probably be every sweet tooth's wet dream. I eyed the other box and asked what was in it but he said that was extra special. Inside the box(among other things) were a pair of furry handcuffs that he got from a porn shop.

I stared at them while he grinned widely and said

"For you to use on Ryan."

Upon remembering that Senpai isn't here, he said,

"Darn! No worries you can use them on me in the meantime."

Lines like that can only come from his mouth. He also got me an assortment of flavoured, glow in the dark and printed condoms, a whip(the one thing I actually find kind of cool) edible underwear, some edible lubricant thingy and a key chain sized vibrator. He actually admitted feeling dumb buying this stuff for a virgin but according to him "Hey! you never know when your gonna need them, might as well be prepared what." Sigh.. Welcome home Max.

Caleb told me to blog about how incredible and awesome and hot he is but I told him I couldn't deceive my readers. But do not fret, for he is not completely hopeless. He happens to be quite the charming and easy to approach, once you get passed that stench of pessimism he has wafting from his being. He might sleep during church service but hey at least his honest about it. I adore his sarcasm cause it's witty, something which is SEVERELY lacking in the sarcasm of Malaysian youths. He has the whole emo geek look going on but he hates emo's. His one of the very few that I know that know who Shiny Toy Guns are. His mission in life(or so I gather) is to marry Hebe, the H in S.H.E. Don't let the blurness fool you, there's actually alot of kepintaran and kesabaran under all that hair. He actually manage to layan and take care of me while I was extremely ku-ku at the farewell pot bless we had for Pastor John. Why so hyper? After not sleeping for 24 hours and running up and down cause of my presentation who WOULDN'T be that ku-ku? But anyone who can do that has PLENTY of patience in my book. So yea, his a pretty good guy although humble he is not lol. Happy with you review Caleb? He just asked me to hang with him and his 2 Swedish friends that are coming down(Please Lord, let them be hunks and not look as geeky as Caleb does pleaseandthankyoumuaxs!) Haha don't worry Caleb, I'll still hang with you guys even if they DO look like you, I'm not that shallow unlike someone who'll laugh at me if I get braces. Grr.

Very sorry for the full-of-myself, highly bimbo-fied post. Take care's!

Blunt and straight.

What's left of my highlight.

Bliss Coming To An End.

2008-11-16T20:13:00.000-08:00

I knew this bliss would not last. It was too good to believe, too many good things happening in one never ending sequence. Call me pessimistic but it's the truth isn't it? Everything is slowly beginning to unravel. The mistake I made was that I dared to hope and wish and want. I got lost in all the the shimmer and warmth of it all that I started floating. It's hard to become grounded once you know what walking on air feels like. Even in the faraway tree, each land was only there for a day, then it moved on. Guess this is where I get off then. I'm watching everything dissolve slowly like it was never there to begin with. What kills is that I have nothing of that bliss hold on to. It's going to turn into a memory, just like all past bliss. I don't want to fall into that spiral again. I refuse to second guess myself, refuse to defend those who don't deserve to be defended. I knew this bliss would not last, but this time I'm gonna make sure it doesn't disappear completely. I'm so familiar with this phase that I can see the warning signs from miles away. I know from here on out it's not going to get any better. But I'm going to grasp for what I can. And for once, I don't regret getting lost in the bliss and I'm going to miss it when its gone.

No wait, I take that back. I'm going to hold on to whatever bliss I have left, then use that as the foundation in building up bliss of my own, a constant stream of it that won't dissolve away over time.

Please Dear Lord, please don't let this be a repeat of last year's Christmas.

Issues.

2008-11-08T23:21:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to My Chicka From Sabah, Nicoleeeeeee.
You leave me drained. Your all over the place. One minute we're goofing around, the next we're screaming at each other. As cliche as this sounds, you fit that Katy Perry's hot and cold song to a T. Just make up your mind so I can make up my own. I hate that I'm this into you and I love that your always on my mind. But this shit is pure torture. I'm stuck between here and there and let me tell you something, it's pretty fucking boring. Do you want me? Do you hate me? Do you want to be friends? Or do you want more? Am I one of the many of exotic fish in your sea, or am I the only and only bitch that rocks your world? You don't know? Not sure? Fine then, you take your time and figure it out. When or if you do, then I'll be over there.(yeah, I'm sick of being stuck) It's your turn to get stuck. So enjoy the in between, it has awesome reception and there's bingo night every Friday. See you when you decide to decide.

I used to think problems related to trust only happened between couples. Turns out it happens between friends too. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, let me once again explain me self.

Dear Mr. Pushing Boundaries,

Let me explain once again why I am the way I am. See, I grew up with my aunt and mum. My 'friends' consisted of uncles and aunties from church, with the exception of that girl whose name I can't remember and Charles who was the childhood sweetheart(all the adults thought we were so cute together) and whom I was sure I would marry.(I even had my wedding shoes picked out) I hated primary school cause I didn't fit. I always thought of them as immature and couldn't understand why. I didn't even fit in church. I was called a nerd because I actually PRAYED and I wasn't like the other mini bimbo's or soon to be he-bitches pipsqueaks.

Look, I guess your right. I do have trust issues, I have a wall up. But you knew that when you met me didn't you now? I mean, that's why I don't say I love you to anyone and why it took me 2 years just to say it to my BEST friend. Why it took me YEAR to realise that I even liked Ryan. I'm not deliberately trying to hurt you but this is me. I'm not used to telling my close best friend everything because I didn't have a best friend growing up. I kept things to myself and that's a skill I perfected over the years. Frankly I don't even trust my college mates(except for one Chinese babe in glasses and that's because she trusts me. It's a matter of returning respect) but there you go. I DO tell you things but you can't expect EVERYTHING can you? I'm tired of explaining myself so now I'll say this: If you think I'm a bitch for keeping certain things to myself then I can't change that. And after the stunt you pulled.. You say you care for me but you never think OF me. You seem to assume that I'll forgive you for your screwup's. I'll always be there when you get drunk to make sure your okay. You seem to forget that I might wanna let loose too. Time and time again you abuse the faith I have in you because YOU have faith that I'll never stop having faith in you. Confused? Good. Stop testing your boundaries before you lose it all. You keep proving me wrong and I'm finding it hard to think of reasons why I should have so much blind faith in you. I can't give you anymore blindness. Concern is beginning to feel like obligation and I hate feeling that way but I'm too tired, too drained to care. I forgive you but for the 1st time.. You've lost a little of my faith in you. And frankly, I don't know how your going to get it back, or if you ever will.

Taggie Waggie

2008-10-25T03:02:00.000-07:00

THE SELF
[01] Real name: Pauline Sarah Fernandez
[02] Nickname: P.B.H.S, P.H.P, Dragonfly, Peekaboo, Little Miss, Precious, Mori-Chan.
[03] Married: Nope
[04] Zodiac Sign: I be a Virgo.
[05] Gender: Female
[06] Age: 18
[07] High school: SMK USJ Lapan.
[08] College: Inti College Subang Jaya
[09] Height: Somewhat tall
[10] Weight: fat
[11] Do you like yourself: I have my moments.
[12] Piercings: Ears only
[13] Right or left: 3 lubang's each ear.
[14] Are you a freak: Depends on you definition.
[15] Hair: Black with a patch of some shade of pink.
[16] Skin: Dark
[17] Allergic: To certain smells like insect spray and selected perfumes.
[18] What are you doing now: Chatting with Caleb, Kish & Adel, uploading anime, listening to Kevin Rudolph and Powerspace and planning someone's birthday surprise(quite the multi-tasker aren't I?)
[19] What will you do 1 hour later: Enjoying some awesome food made by someone awesome.
[20] What will you do 10 years later: Hopefully living my life and dreams with someone I love. With maybe 1 or 2 mini me's. Or traveling.
[21] Live with: Family
[22] Siblings(included you): Just little ol' me
[23] Eldest: ME!
[24] Youngest: Me!
[25] Love/hate your family: Love most of the time.

THE LOVE
[26] You found your other half: I think so.=)
[27] If yes, who is he/she: His my Senpai.
[28] If no, who you want he/she to be: -
[29] Time(s) you in relationship: A relationship relationship? hmm.. 4.
[30] Ever woo boy/girl(0-100000): Not intentionally.
[31] Anyone woo you before(0-100000): Yes.
[32] Did anything wrong to your other half: Yes.
[33] What was/were the wrong you had done: Taking to long to realise what he means to me.
[34] Ever argue with your other half: Haha, yes.
[35] You with your other half since: We celebrated our 1st year anniversary 2 weeks ago. omg.. it's been a year already?
[36] Are you straight/Lesbo: Straight as a stick insect.
[37] Reasons you love your other half: Because he loves me for me, stubborn-ness and all. I feel safe around him and he understands me at a level most don't.
[38] You and your other half in which stage: How many stages are there?
[39] You woo he/she or he/she woo you: This tag uses bad England. HE woo ME
[40] Ever think of marry he/she: Now, aren't we getting a WEE bit ahead of ourselves..

THE FRIENDS
[41] Your first best friend: His name was Charles. We met in church in Kluang. We ended up being childhood sweethearts lol.
[42] Your first enemy: Some mean girl wannabe in standard 1.
[43] The friend you love the most(1 only): Kishor Rajendren!
[44] The enemy you hate the most(1 only): Her name starts with J
[45] Your most beautiful girl friend: All of em'
[46] Your most handsome boy friend: Hmm.. There are a few. Aljer, Fitz, Caleb & Bryan, Christoper, Aaren..
[47] The kind of girl you hate the most: Fakers. Hypocrites. Back stabbers. In one word: Bitches.
[48] The kind of boy you hate the most: Self involved ego maniacs
[49] You fall in love with your close friend before: Nope.
[50] Your best friend is your ex-lover: Nope.
[51] If your friend backstabbing you: I'd ask them about it.
[52] If your friend betray you: I'd be hurt and I'll them that.
[53] If your friend woo your lover: None of my friends are like that. Those that have tried weren't my friends to begin with and failed miserably.
[54] If your friend fall in love with you: I'd definitely freak.
[55] If you fall in love with your best friend: Haha, all hell will break loose.

THE STUDIES
[56] Are you a good student: I like to believe so. Judging from my grades, I think I'm doing pretty good.
[57] You always done your homeworks/assignments: Unfortunately most of this sem has been last minute shit.
[58] The teacher/tutor you love the most: Pn. Chua! My fave teacher for my Fav subject. Science!
[59] Always late to school/college: If I know I'm gonna be late, then I don't come at all. I don't like being late.
[60] Your class: ENL 126, COM 118 and COM 116
[61] You like your seniors: A few yea sure.
[62] Seniors who you like the most: Kaze and Atiqah
[63] Your classmates good/bad: An equal balance of both.
[64] Excellent result classmate: Xing Yi!
[65] Laziest classmate: That would be.. The whole freaking class, YoursTruly included.
[66] Smart people: Kish, Ryan, Sasha..
[67] Stupid people: No one's stupid.
[68] Good looking people: Aiden, Ryan, Melissa, Tasha, Adel, Darren..
[69] Ugly people: People with ugly personalities are the fugliest.
[70] Funny people: My course mates, LSM, Michelle R, Fitz, Kishy-kins, Daddy-kins
[71] Cute people: FITZ! Adzley, Wei Hoong, Christin..
[72] Bad people: -
[73] Honest people: Kishy-kins, Michelle R, LSM.
[74] Acting people: -
[75] You are what kind of people: Again with the bad England. I is stubborn & ku-ku kind of people..

THE PREFER
[76] Lip or eyes: Eyes
[77] Hugs or kisses: Both.
[78] Shorter or taller: TALLER
[79] Hesitant or spontaneous: Spontaneous
[80] Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach
[81] Listener or Talker: Both.
[82] Romantic or rich: Romantic
[83] Good husband or good father: Good Husband & Father

THE FUTURE
[84] Age to get marry: 25 and above.
[85] Numbers of kid(s): 2. max
[86] Career: We'll see.
[87] Salary: Like Christin: six figures. Aim high!
[88] Retirement age: Donno.
[89] Properties value: Again, getting ahead of ourselves aren't we?
[90] Wishes: To be of sane mind.

THE VICTIMS
I shall be a saint and say no one!

A Family Outing(DMC Horny Style)

2008-10-13T07:01:00.000-07:00

"It must be Monday. It's cold... it's dreary... it's raining... even inside the house" Garfield and I share the same woes.

Hello. So, contrary to what you might believe I have not been out attending wild, night long orgies or stoning to kingdom come. I've just been really lazy and frankly I don't know who reads my blog anymore so I didn't see the point. Anywho, today was quite the eventful day. As a rule, I hate Monday's, I don care if it's going to be the day I get 50million dollars I'm still gonna hate it as a matter of principal. So I was stoning in English class when Christin decided to drug me with some weird sweet of hers. I can't really remember much of what I said or did, I just remember I kept trying to convince everyone I was alright and they seem to think I O.D-ed on something. We went to watch Eagle Eye and thanks to Mr. Fast and Furious zoom zoom Daniel we were only like 15 minutes late for class. Thanks Daniel! So here's pictures. Enjoy now.

*flips hair in the wind*

vroom vroom!

Later that day..

And here are a few from my birthday, pre-drunkenness.

And post-drunkenness..

Yes, I do realise I look like I'm grabbing her boobies. Rest of post-drunk photos have not been added because it may not be suitable for minor, or the general fact that the writer is behaving entirely out of character.. Anywho, I enjoyed my 18th. My 1st time drunk! Toodles!

2008-09-15T04:48:00.000-07:00

Updates & pics from my birthday, college and Michelle's 19th coming soon me promises!

Tagged By Christin Without The E

2008-09-08T03:44:00.000-07:00

She Say's,
1. Is anything wrong?
- I'm cliche. I say no but it probably means yes.

2. Would you kiss anyone on your top friends?
- Yup Yup.

3. Do you want to go to college?
- 1st sem baby!

4. How many kids do you want to have?
- Two. I don't want a football team thank you.

5. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
- Yes.

6. What did you do for your last birthday?
- I was having trials. Celebrated in class.

7. What were you doing at midnight last night?
- Talking to Michelle.

8. Name something you cannot wait for?
- My birthday. A new phone?

10. What is one thing you would change in your life?
- Nothing. I love it as is.(I told you I was cliche)

12. Last thing you ate/drank?
- Toast and scramble eggs with coffee.

13. Whats your favorite month?
- December!

14. What is your least favorite month?
- June/July

15. Do you like peanut butter?
- Yumm..

16. Who's making you feel the way you are right now?
- Myself.

17. Most visited web pages?
- Facebook & Youtube

18. Last person to make you mad?
- Aiden that arse.

19. Pepsi or coke?
- Pepsi

20. Have you hugged anyone in the past week?
- I'm P.B.H.S. How can I NOT hug anyone?

21. Fun thing to look forward to this week?
- Going out with my friends for my birthday!

22. What do you think about your siblings?
- I'll tell you if I get any.

24. Whats your favorite number(s)?
- 13..

25. What do you do after school/college?
- Rush to work(last week!)

26. Do you know how to swim?
- Yup yup.

27. Where were you born?
- Kluang.

28. Do you have a crush?
- Haha.. no.

FRIEND CONFESSIONS
1. Are you jealous of one or more of your friends?
- I don't think so..

2. Have you known any of your friends your whole life?
- A few

3. Are any of your friends taller than you?
- YES THANK GOD!!

4. Have you ever been ditched by a friend?
- Grr yea..

5. Do you have your friend's phone number's memorized?
- A few here and there.

6. Have you lost or forgotten a friend's phone number?
- Aha.

7. Have you been to most of your friends houses?
- Me thinks so.

8. Do you love most of your friends?
- Haha that's a tough one.. Only a select few. I adore the rest.

HABIT CONFESSIONS
1. Do you play with things when nervous?
- Yup yup.

2. Do you have an odd obsession with knives?
- Not really knives.. Scissors yes.

3. Do you sleep with the door open or closed?
-Closed.

4. Is there at least one sound you can't stand?
- I have a few.

5. What is your worst habit?
- Being too stubborn.

LOVE CONFESSIONS
1. Do you currently like/love someone?
-I'm not sure.

2. Do you want to kill one of your exes?
-Just one.

4. Has one of your crushes ever called you self centered before?
- Am I now?

PERSONAL OPINION CONFESSIONS
1. Do you think abortions are horrible?
-Honestly only if there's an absolutely valid reason.

2. Are you against or think gay marriage is bad?
- As long as their happy. Who am I to judge?

3. Is pink an ugly color?
- Neon pink can make eyes bleed. The rest are alright.

4. Needles aren't so horrible?
-No, not at all. But can sting.

5. You have plenty of secrets?
- More than thought possible.

HAVE YOU EVER CONFESSIONS
1. Have you ever fallen UP the stairs?
- Haha! Plenty of times.

2. Have you ever had a nail fall off?
- That sounds PAINFUL!

3.Have you ever slapped someone across the face?
- Yes and I don't regret it one bit.

I Tag ;
Well now, I can't think of anyone to tag except maybe... Corey? Yea, I tag Corey-kins.

2008-08-28T01:10:00.001-07:00

Okay so I don't really see the point in posting this cause I doubt anyone would actually read this and buy me any of these for my birthday but Fitz asked me to do it anyway to make peoples lives easier and I listen to Fitz cause his my cuddly puppy. So here it is:

1. T-shirts! the funkier the better. And I'm in need of them.

2. Undies. Especially those from Topshop. Lacy or funky with cartoon characters doesn't matter, me lovesssss.(I wear size 8 or 10. Yes I have a big bum haizzzzz.)

3. Music:
Flobots ~ Fight With Tools.
The Script ~ Self Tittled.
Disco Ensemble ~ Magic Recoveries.
Coldplay ~ Viva La Vida.
Robin Thicke ~ Beautiful World.

4. Books:
The Complete Brothers Grimm Fairy Tales.
The Complete Fairy Tales by Hans Christian Anderson.
The Vampire Lestat by Ann Rice
The Queen Of The Damned by Ann Rice.
The Magic Faraway Tree Series by Enid Blyton(Got 3 in 1 kinda thingy)
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson.

5. Bracelets(I happen to be very fond of bracelets bet you didn't know that muahaha)

6. Bag.

6. Oh oh! That cute cassette necklace from DIVA. The plain one not the colourful colourful one.

7. stainless steel jewelry?

Yespleasethankyoumuaks!

The Wind, Clouds & Rain.

2008-07-04T19:48:00.000-07:00

NOTE: This isn't my usual fiction. That's cause it isn't.

Life's too short to wait for a buddy to play in the rain with. Memo to self: You see rain, you run straight into it. Spin around, jump and dance, just like you used to.

Dear Rain, Please come back and play again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love that short period just before a heavy rain. When the winds blow so hard. The cold gives you goosebumps but it feels so good against you skin. You watch, watch everything move against it, move with it. It seems so turbulent, the wind making it seem so chaotic out there and yet.. you've never felt more at peace. To stand at the balcony, delicious shivers riding down your back. You stand in an atmosphere so cold, but you've never felt more warm, the comfort coursing through you like you were sitting by a fireplace. You see everything around you move so fast, yet you feel like your in slow motion. Standing on a plane of here and there, standing within the real world but you still feel like you watching from somewhere else, from another universe. Everything disappears during these moments. Nothing else matters, nothing is more important than savouring the wind blowing through your hair, whispering in your ear. It's these moments I wish would never end, it's these moments I wished I had more of, it's these moments I wish I could share, it's these moments I cherish, long for, desire. I wish I could describe it better here, for you all to relive within your imagination. I love the moments before a heavy rain. The moments when the wind is King.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clouds see everything. They travel the world, see it all. The marvelous, the glorious, the morbid, the gruesome. The joy, the peace, the tears, the rage. They see things we will go our whole lives not knowing about. They experience everything about a situation, because they were there. They truly know where the end of the rainbow is. They are never alone, never stray. Their there for you, no matter what happens. They offer comfort just by being what they are. I wish could be able to see what they see, to experience the world the way the clouds do.

I miss feeling the rain playing on my skin. I miss feeling it soaking through my clothes, and feel as if it's soaking through my skin as well. I miss feeling as if I was in a whole new world. The rain comforts me. I love the rain.

The Morning Perv.

2008-06-29T03:08:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, actually I think it was last week, I slept VERY late. Now, as most of you know, no matter how late I sleep I STILL wake up latest by 10am which isn't very late at all. It's the way my body clock works after 11 years of waking up early for school. But this particular day I was uber tired and told my body clock to go and die and went to sleep, not expecting to see the sun until 1 in the afternoon God willing. But that didn't happen.

At 8 in the freaking morning my house phone rings. And its ring is annoying. So I go and answer the thing and my phone has caller ID and I see whoever the hell is calling me is doing so on a 012 number. Its this malay dude who asks if this is a house or office. I say house. He then proceeds to say that he is from Maybank and their doing a survey on teens which I know is bull cause if you were from Maybank you wouldn't be calling from your hand phone. So instead of putting down the phone(which is what I normally do, I promise) I decided to indulge this fool who dared wake me from my much deserved rest. I was in one of those mischievous moods. He asked the usual crap: name, age, height and and what not. He even asked me if I'm attractive.=_= I said well, I wouldn't say attractive but then again, I wouldn't call myself ugly now would I? Then he says "oh by your sexy voice(it was all deep and husky and purr-in-your-ear like) I'm guessing you just woke up right?" My head answered "no shit." I just said "mm." I mean duh! My voice was a gravel pit! Anywho, he then asks who else in the house I say mummy and the boyfriend. Fact was, the only person in the house was me and mr. mooable's who is a white mini cow. He also asks if I'm chinese. I say I'm indian he compliments me saying "Wah! Your malay so chun huh.."(this whole conversation was in malay btw) I reply him saying "Org-nya Malaysia takkan tak pandai cakap Melayu." He liked my sense of humour. Oh joy.

Then came the interesting part. He says that his going to go into the more 'personal' part of the questionnaire. Fine. He asked me if I prefer to wear dark or light coloured underwear. When I asked him what does my bra colour have to with anything he says its to see how mature you are. What? Dark undies= Mature? So early in the morning you ask me to deal with a perv. yao mou gao cuo ah! Damn wtf I tell you. But if you ask me stupid question I give you stupid answer. I said "ha! I dark also got, light also got, multi coloured also got!" He finally asks me the most delicious question ever to hear that early in the morning. He asked me if I was a virgin. I put on my best bimbo voice, even popped my hip(to get into character you could say) and said "Oh well, I don't know! Maybe you should ask my boyfriend." I call out "Sayang! come answer this question for me! For Maybank one!" The dude started shouting "Jangan jangan alamak!!!!" then puts down the phone. I scared the living daylights out of him. I felt as contented as I would have if I had gotten my sleep. Fitz says this is a clue to what a grumpy old lady I would be, taking pleasure in making those who made me miserable miserable. I replied him saying:

"Aww.. You mean I have to wait that long to do something that fun again? Darn."
LoL.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There are some things I'd like to say. Observations I'd like to share. But I can't to most. It's something I can only talk to Sher-Maine about. Not because she's the best friend, but because she's the only one who won't think I'm a demented looney toon. Cause she has the same thoughts."

"It's like air milo already okay! Ever since I got back! Buhuhuhu!" Lee Sher-Maine.

For Mr. Brightside & The June Jinx.

2008-06-02T04:37:00.000-07:00

Yellow. You know, when I was in form four, I was convinced that I had this May/June jinx because I noticed that I always get into some sort of mishap between these months. To prove my point:

Form 1: Fractured my arm in 2 places.
Form 2: Denggi scare. It was the fever from Hades.
Form 3: Sprained my ankle really badly cause I fell on in at a bad angle. Twice.
Form 4: A nasty case of Herpes(no, not the STD kind) AND fell of the top of a ladder hurting my lower back badly.
Form 5: A nasty case of Rubella that made Leprosy look like the latest fashion trend.

And I've already filled my quota for this year. How you ask? Well, last Friday I had to stay over at Aljer's place. We almost kena kantoi cause he started crying and I hugged him and we were hugging in the middle of the street in the middle of the night when a RELA van passed us by, shooting us evil looks. But come to think of it, trying to explain it would have been... hilarious. Anywho, the next day I had to cover for Putra so had to do full. I got up and went to shower. That's when Aljer's shower decided to attack me. It was working just fine one minute and the next, this blast of boiling hot water hits my chest. The aftermath of that left me with alot of itchy pain and this..

You know that old school Hollywood movie about the blob that ate everything in its path? This is where it originated from. =_=

I freaking got scalded. SCALDED. I called aunty to ask her what to do and she said I had to wait for the boil/bubble to burst. So I spent the whole day at work wiping goo(puss) off me. And I kept flashing my boobs at Bee(boobs at Bee..*snort snort*) cause she'd check on it for me from time to time. Thanks for the help and not cringing in disgust babe. But looking on the bright side of this dismal situation, my wit and sarcasm was working on overdrive. And I also got alot of funny situations out of it such as..

*Fitz and YoursTruly chatting while waiting for Aiden by the gate*
Fitz: Yea, then she said it was cute so I -*notices the blob's baby* OMFG! What the hell happened??
YoursTruly: Huh? oh.. that..
*Fitz continues to stare at it and even tries touching it. Aiden come out and sees us*
Aiden: OI! WTF ARE YOU STARING AT? TU ORG PUNYA GF LA BABI!
*Aiden marches up ready to whack Fitz on Ryan's behalf. He then notices what Fitz was staring at. He in turn stares as well*
Aiden: What happened??
YoursTruly: Oi, can you both quit staring at my boobs kah? =_=''
*Both snaps out of it and stares elsewhere, blushing furiously*
Both: *Ahem ahem*

Something happened in church yesterday. I had a bad case of verbal diarrhea with Michelle Cheong's mum. But it was.. a breakthrough of sorts. I don't know how it happened. I wasn't planning on telling her about everything that was wrong, wasn't planning on telling her about ANYTHING that was wrong. Aiden said it was God's doing. Probably was. I let everything just flow out of me. I've never felt so light in so long. And it was the first time in a long time that I felt God around me. I guess you could say I was stuck in house with a power outage. I knew the lights would come back eventually, but in the meantime I was just gonna wait for it. I felt so horrible cause here I was, about to be made the treasurer and projects coordinator for our youth, thus making me the biggest hypocrite, thus making me feel even more horrible. So I thank God that the lights came back on in the nick of time.

It's Putra's last week!*sob sob* His dad's making him go back. So this Sunday is his last day! I'm gonna miss his curly hair and the fact he shared my brit music fetish and put up with my long winded-ness and I'm gonna miss that swagger he has and watching his New Zealand friend act ku-ku(that's an understatement) via webcam. His my rojak 'tak nak timun tambah extra cracker' kaki! I'm gonna usik his hair kau kau this week while I still can. Oh, and I'm his 'sifu' cause I thought him how to use facebook. Now his hooked. =) These are the pics from his birthday which we celebrated at Tower a while back. May 10th. I didn't know and Bee sent the msg to buy him a cake from JUSCO. I got the msg when I was ten steps away from Tower, just came back from JUSCO. =_= But Putra didn't suspect a thing!

Hantu Chia Lay....

And you know the best thing about Putra? He takes all jokes with a good laugh. So that's why his not gonna kill me if I post up the pictures of him I took when he was sick.. and asleep.
*snicker snicker snort snort wakakaka*

Hata tried channeling his inner rooster also cannot wake him up. Kesian Putra demam.

I'll mish you Mr. Brightside! Memo to self: start camwhoring with Putra.

Truth Untold.

2008-05-17T06:38:00.000-07:00

Okay so 1st off, a disclaimer: this is a VERY long post. But PLEASE bare with me cause this IS the ending(no pitchforks and angry villagers please!) and there is alot to explain, loose ends that need to be tied up. And again, for refreshments please go HERE for part 1 and HERE for part 2. Please comment alright? Enjoy!

Two hours in. Alexis body had been taken away, leaving a pool of crimson blood, a violent contrast to the bone white marble floor of the grand ballroom. No one was allowed to leave. Letting them go would mean letting the murderer go free. This entire incident came as a shock to the community, common or otherwise. This event was filled with the best of blue bloods. The finest lords and most elegant ladies. It dumbfounded everyone that one of them was actually capable of murder. Frankly, they thought these people would be too scared to do something this.. courageous. It took guts to kill someone. Clarice had stopped her theatrical bawling and reduced it to a soft sob. Honestly, she couldn't possibly have known Alexis THAT well now could she? It seemed so fake. Like she was covering for something. It seemed..suspicious. Then there was Peter. Poor Peter. He had sat beside her body, broken and sobbing until the police came. He then refused to let them touch her, move her. His blue eyes were filled with hatred, on the verge of madness. He almost attacked the M.E that tried to examine her and it took 3 men to wrestle him down as they solemnly covered her body and carried her away. It seemed that now she truly was gone for good. The reality of it made him retch, his dry heaves echoing throughout the ballroom. There he sat beside the splash of blood where her body was. He looked like a broken man. Which he was. To lose someone that close to you, to lose your only friend in such a horrid way.. Even those as heartless as Donovan and Diana felt sympathy for the poor piano player. Now, Donovan and Diana was a different story all together. Diana was sitting on a plush leather couch which she DEMANDED for. A small disturbing smile played on her face. Like she actually found something about this gory situation amusing. With Alexis gone, the world would once again be her oyster as it rightfully was in her mind. And that included the pearl at it's center, Donovan. He would see the error of his foolish ways and come running to her. Or so she thought. Motive for murder perhaps? Donovan sat by the bar, nursing a glass of double scotch on the rocks. He was casually having a conversation about soccer to a rather pale and somewhat ratty looking bartender, acting as if the woman of his supposed dreams wasn't just lying dead covered in blood a mere 2 hours ago. He wasn't horrified, nor was he sad. He was just.. calm. Eerily so. Connor was sitting at one of the tables. He was..quiet. His eyes were vacant. He seemed horrified yet calm, sad but not crying. He seemed aloof. Neither here nor there. Alice sat curled in a ball by the corner of the room. Everyone was by themselves, all trying to figure out who did it. Aren't we all? Annie stared at the spot where Alexis had been, where poor Peter was sitting by. she was terrified. She knew everyone thought of her as the prime suspect and that was driving her insane. She had been blamed for many things before but murder? She couldn't possibly be capable.. Could she? She absent mindedly fidgeted with something around her neck. A delicate pendant of a fairy carrying a small diamond... Wait. What's this? That necklace, that necklace belong to Alexis! She never took it off, she believed it was a charm, a symbol of hope. Why did Annie have Alexis most prized possession? How did she get it? She absently played with it, attracting Diana's attention to the piece of jewelry that had belonged to the deceased. This was when the gates of somewhere dark and unpleasant opened up.

Diana started shouting, creating a ruckus. Rambling on and on about some necklace and jabbing an accusing finger at Rebel Annie. "What are YOU doing with Alexis' necklace? Everyone look! You sly fox! You killed her! Your wearing the proof around your neck!" Diana raced forward and ripped the necklace from Annie's throat, bruising her slightly. Diana turned and put the necklace up for display, a satisfied grin stuck on her obnoxious face. The necklace Alexis always wore. The necklace that Alexis was wearing.. just before she died. Rebel Annie stood and started sobbing, trying to no avail to get the necklace back. "No! Give it back! I didn't kill her! She gave it to me! Please, please give it back!" Now, by then everyone had gathered around to watch the drama that had unfurled, even the pale, rather ratty looking bartender. Diana snarled. "LIAR! As IF she was going to give YOU her most precious stone. I thought you would be better at lying Annie! Murderer! Just admit and be quick about it so we can go home." It was Connor who spoke up. "I don't think she did it. Annie's alot of things but not a murderer. Alexis loved her, always talked about her cause she saw so much of herself in Annie. But please Annie, for your sake, tell us the truth. Tell us why were you and Alexis were arguing earlier." Just a note before we go on, Connor had trouble saying Alexis' name. Whenever he said it it sounded pained, like his mind went to somewhere he just didn't want it to go. Memories of his beloved perhaps. Now where were we? Ah yes.. "Why bother?!" Said Diana. "She OBVIOUSLY did it! Why waste time on pointless explanations when we -" "Shut up Diana!" Connor snarled. Diana couldn't believe she just got snarled at. Annie looked around at all the accusing stares, scared out of her wits. Finally,she crumpled to the floor, her sob bubbling through her speech as her story was told. Turns out that Rebel Annie had come to the party that night with a plan of leaving. Leaving for good. Running away from the stage play that was her life. She wanted to be free, and that freedom was in 3 bags and a few thousand dollars she had stolen from her father's safe. All of which was sitting outside the ballroom. Alexis had found out somehow and tried stopping her. Said that doing this would not bring freedom, it would just bring about more running. She would be running her entire life. You couldn't run from you family name, but you could change the way others saw you. Alexis wanted to help. Wanted to give Annie another chance but Annie wouldn't hear of it. She didn't want her help and that's why they were fighting earlier. Alexis had given the necklace to Annie as a symbol for a fresh start. "Take it. This gave me hope when there was none. It helped me. Let it help you now." Alexis had said to Rebel Annie. "LIAR! You expect us to believe that?!" Diana spat. Diana was being the shrew that she truly was. Connor shouted over her. "I believe Annie. She didn't kill Alexis." Diana, who was on the brink of fury screamed and yelled. "How can you possibly believe her?! Your fiance is dead and your standing there DEFENDING the prime suspect! Or is that because you have a reason to protect her?? You don't seem all that shook up about your dead girlfriend Connor. For all we know YOU did it! For all we know you were IN ON IT! You outsiders probably planned the whole thing! Get Alexis out of the picture, swipe her fortune and run away together with Annie! Have I called you bluff Connor? I bet I have!" Connor strode up to Diana, his face a violent purple and slapped her hard across that much deserving face of hers. Finally someone managed to shut her up. "BE QUIET! HOW DARE YOU!! I LOVED HER! I never cared about her riches! It was her I wanted! A part of me just died tonight! HOW DARE YOU! And your one to talk! Everyone knew how much you hated Alexis. Jealousy is an ugly thing Diana, and jealousy that turns into rage is murderous." Diana stared at Connor in disbelief and fear. Right then Donovan walked up to her, drunk of course, and said "Ah..my dear, it's sweet of you to think I was worthy enough to kill for but I still think your somewhat of a witch. Or a whore..I can't decide. And plus, I don't like sleeping with a madwoman. Now that we know who killed the bitch(Actually, no one had a clue) can we please go home? I'm tired." Connor lunged forward, punched him in the mouth and broke 2 of Donovan's picture perfect teeth, blood spilling for the second time tonight. "Don't ever call Alexis that again! Just cause she turned you down and embarrassed you does NOT give you the right! Did you do it Donovan?! DID YOU KILL THE WOMAN I LOVED?! Donovan shouted back "I wouldn't waste the time outsider! That's all you are right?! An outsider who doesn't belong! A dog that is more than capable of killing!" Donovan then spat at Connor as Connor grabbed Donovan's thousand dollar silk shirt, ready to rip him to pieces. All hell broke loose then. Connor and Donovan went head to head, Diana started screaming and shrieking for no apparent reason and Annie rushed up to try and get the now winning Connor off Donovan. Clarice had scampered off to call for police assistance.

The ballroom echoed in chaos. Chairs flying, tables toppling. Peter, who had been sitting alone, grieving in a corner was the one who stopped everything. It started with him whispering. Whispering turned into mumbling, mumbling turned into shouting. No one paid any attention to him, all too engrossed in their petty drama. That is, until he screamed. Now, his scream was something to talk about. People said it was so loud that it echoed throughout the city and there are even old maids who claim to hear that very same chilling scream coming from the now abandoned ballroom on the anniversary of Alexis' death every year. Back to the story shall we? Or rather, Alexis' story. Peter's scream turned everyone into gargoyles. Silent. Unmoving. That was the first time anyone had ever seen those elegant pale fingers of his tremble. Donovan broke the silence. "What the hell is your problem? Screaming like a mad man! If you have nothing to say then I suggest you just sit there and sob while we -" Peter cut him off. "I did it. I killed her." He said, barely a whisper but carrying throughout the ballroom. Silence dawned on the ballroom a second time. It lasted what seemed like a lifetime before the morbid truth was told. For the first time that night. Peter had always loved Alexis as more than just best friends. Always been too afraid of telling her. He didn't know which would hurt more if he told her, facing her rejection, or never having the relationship they had now ever again. But it didn't matter cause he was going to stay her closest friend. It's not like he minded it. No one knew Alexis better than he did and soon he came to believe that they were meant to be, that they would end up together. All he had to do was wait and until that time came he had his music. His 'wife' until Alexis came and took it's place. Or so he thought. When she met Connor, Peter wasn't the least bit worried. She had had her fair share of men and this was just another one of her adventures. But it was different with Connor. When she talked about Connor to him, her eyes lit up. The same way they did when Peter played for her. It was a tell tale sign that she was in love and a tell tale sign of warning to Peter. Peter thought he was the only one who deserved that look and no one else, especially not some commoner. But he put up with this, knowing that soon Alexis would be his and his alone again. Imagine his shock, his absolute horror, when she told him that Connor had asked her to marry him.. and she had say yes. They were planning to run away and live happily ever after. They were leaving it all behind.. The mansions, the money, him. The thought of not having her, having to suffer to the usual ridicule alone was.. an unbearable thought. She was his reason for staying, his reason for sanity. he had until the end of the night to convince her to stay and he took the opportunity while everyone was in the garden to plead his case. They started arguing, shouting, Alexis on the verge of crying. As a last resort to keep her from leaving, he grabbed a steak knife off the table. Threatened to slit his wrist, saying that if she wasn't there anymore then he might as well die before this God awful blue blooded society did it for him. She stopped him, pleaded with him and promised not to leave. After they were both calm she said that Connor and herself would find another way. She wasn't about to leave Peter alone but she was going to marry Connor no matter what. She wanted Peter to be the best man. As she hugged him she said into his hair "Peter, I love him. I've never loved anyone the way I do him. Oh Peter, I've found the one. I finally feel whole." Upon hearing this, being held in her embrace, Peter's world crumbled before him. She had never said that before. EVER. Even if she stayed, she'd be gone to him and he would have to spend the rest of his day watching his best friend, his true love, in the arms of another. This thought horrified him. His eyesight started fading and he saw everything in a brilliant shade of jade. He remembered blacking out and when he finally came to, Alexis was lying dead. The haunting beauty that she was.

After his confession, everyone stood around him, silent. Connor broke down for the first time tonight and started crying silently in Annie's arms. He had lost the one thing he cared for. His world had been taken away from him. Annie held on to him for dear life. She too had lost something dear tonight. Alexis was the only one who cared for her and it angered Annie that it took her death to figure that out. A sad realisation broke out amongst the guest that night. They thought Peter was grieving over the loss of his friend, when fact was he was grieving over the loss of a friend, a friend HE had taken away from this world. Who knew those elegant, talented fingers that that amazed Alexis, the same fingers that she praised and adored time and time again would be the instruments of her death. There's a certain cruelty in irony isn't there?

Now, years after this grim incident, it is said that Diana ended up marrying a man for his wealth. She thought she finally managed to get her oyster and a very handsome pearl as well. All she deserved. But what she did not bargain for was this man's disturbing fetishes and constant verbal abuse. Some say she became mad and murdered him in one of their 'sessions' whereas other's whisper about how she had an affair with a younger man who in turn left her sad and miserable. Clarice was probably the one person unaffected by what had happened. No one truly knows what role she played that night, no one really certain about the story behind her theatrical crying. She continued life, marrying a wealthy man and showing up and all the extravagant blue blood functions. Donovan was rumoured to have gambled away all his trust fund money and now, to his horror, had to earn his money the old fashion way. Which proved difficult for him because he was as useful as a horse without legs. He had put on weight, had a beer belly and thinning hair and was married to a woman who constantly cheated on him. But he of course could not leave her for she was where the money to maintain that beer belly of his was coming from. Connor still was not married. He was now a successful businessman earning millions. He who had served at high society parties now turned down a hundred a day, not wanting to have anything to do with the society that, in his mind, killed his beloved. The only person that he kept close contact with was Rebel Annie, though she was no longer a rebel. She left her family name and made a name for herself, opening a home for troubled youth, in memory of the only one who believed in her, the one that saved her. She wore a necklace of a fairy holding a diamond which she never took off. There were whispers that Connor and Annie were in love. Perhaps. Perhaps they might find their happy ending's in each other. Peter was released from jail under the insanity plea. He spent his freedom composing a masterpiece named Alexis. A haunting music piece that awed everyone. This was his apology. He also made a last request. He had gone back to the ballroom where everything happened. He wrote a make shift letter on the walls. He had written that he hoped that Connor would find it in his heart to forgive him for what he had done, even though he knew he didn't deserve it. Peter then slit his wrist and died silently in that very same ballroom, leaving nothing behind except for a music sheet that was meant for Connor, and a piece of crimson satin belonging to his love.

The End.

2008-05-02T22:55:00.000-07:00

I did something. Something outrageous. Something dangerous. Something I never thought I'd do in my entire life. Some would say I did something stupid. I guess I did. I did something reckless and totally unlike me. Something I promise not to do anymore.

That being said..

I don't regret it one bit.
(though I do regret causing you guys to worry. I'm sorry about that)

Thanks Stranger.

2008-04-25T19:39:00.000-07:00

"why should we pay for music?" Incubus. The best freaking question ever asked in my opinion.

I've noticed something recently, and because of this observation I've come up with somewhat of a conclusion. I think straight couples need to learn a thing or two from gay couples.

Cause right, gay/lesbian couples have to go through A WHOLE load of shit. And yet, their still so lively, so cheerful, so thankful, so GRATEFUL. Which is more than I can say for straight couples. I mean, I know that even straight relationships have their problems. But gay couples have to through so much and yet they still have a smile on their faces. Straight couples on the other hand look like their carrying the freaking world on their shoulders. What gives?

Now, I'm not saying that ALL straight couples are like that. But most are. There are those who bitch and moan about his/her bf/gf coming late(pun 100% intended wtf lol) and then there are those who live in this bubble of happiness. Sad thing is that this bubble only covers them so everyone else doesn't read on their radar and their happiness doesn't get passed on to us common folk. Whatever happened to sharing is caring?

Homophobes or not, one thing you have to admire about gays/lesbians is their bravery. They risk EVERYTHING(as do some straight couples) and yet they do it. Because they want to be true to themselves and the others around them. Because they want to be with who they love. Even if it's someone of the same sex. They can't hold hands cause it's deemed 'perbuatan tidak senonoh.' But they work around this little glitch and are as happy as lovesick puppies. If the government said WE couldn't hold hand I'm sure there would be people going and having protest la, migrating la, slamming the government on blogs la... We don't work around it. Because according to us, it's our God given right. But correct me if I'm wrong but didn't God give this rights to HUMANS? So may I ask what are gays and lesbians? Sheep??

Even till now, lesbians, gays and trans are my favourite type of customers to layan cause apart from the few bad apples, most of them are just so gracious which is SO much more than I can say for some inconsiderate straight couples. Those homophobic fanatic Christian's really tick me off in this aspect because NO ONE should use the name of God to justify hurting, and condemning others. Just cause YOU don't agree with their way of life. You want to SAVE them konon.. Save them my perfectly pedicured foot lar. Answer me this, who's gonna save you then? If we want to be saved then we have to be ready for it. We have to open out hearts to it and to Him. No one should have to force you into it. That's not what Christianity is about. Guess some of you didn't get the memo.

I go with the "hate the sin not the sinner" policy and frankly I have no problem with those kinds of relationships because at the end of the day, it's their choice and only God can judge them. So why play God?

Realisation.

2008-04-19T08:08:00.000-07:00

*48 more days till Honey-chan comes home.*

He sat there in the cafe, watching all his friends chat and laugh. He felt so detached. Like he was watching from somewhere else, through someone else's eyes. Not his own.

In that moment, he realised something he should have a long time ago. Just like how everyone is a liar, everyone is a hypocrite. Everyone. Though there was no escaping it was there? And even though he hated to admit is, he was one too. Here he was hating, judging, those who were hypocrites to others but he was worse. He was a hypocrite to himself. He was a faker. He was lying to himself, lying to those around him. He had molded himself and managed to become this awesome actor on this stage, that he not only fooled the people around him, but himself as well. How did that happen? When did this happen? He had become something he despised. Talk about cruel irony.

Stoning 101

2008-03-17T08:20:00.000-07:00

Aloha. So..How did I do? Do you really wanna know? Do ya? You sure? For reals?? Well, because you asked SO nicely I'll just tell you shall I?

I GOT 3 FREAKING A'S!! YAHOO!!!

Damn gila babi hutan happy! Especially for my business! Didn't expect that at all! But yea, through out the entire week I was just so... spaced out about results. Everyone around me was panicking, some close to tears but I was just so numbed out. I mean, where were the usual butterflies? How dare they forsake me in my time of need?! The night before the results I tried calling on them. Thought to myself "what if I fail something? What if I get no A's? what if I only get 1 A?" But even after all that they STILL didn't come and I got tired waiting for them. The next day people were freaking and I was going "HEY! So long no see!" I guess I came to terms with the fact that no matter what, I did my best and there was no turning back but still.. I only started my long-overdue panicking when I actually had the slip in my hand. I didn't even look at it the 1st 3 minutes. Honey-chan saw it before me.

Thank you everyone who belanja-ed, celebrated, and wished me. I've been having sooo much fun. Bee(my boss at Tower) belanja-ed me chocolate(which is still in the drawer now that I think about it) and AbgBesar who bought me l'opera from Starbucks. And Fitz who took me out mamak-ing later that night. I'm officially jelak of chocolate cake or anything chocolate for that matter.

The sinful reason.

Today morning I followed Honey-chan to go pick up her testimonial and got to lepak for the last time before she goes off to NS. Babe, I'm soooo gonna miss you! But you'll be back in 2 and a half months and all your seventeen's(and me!) will be waiting for you! Ulu Semenyeh, here she comes! GAMBATEH HONEY-CHAN!! And in memory of her(cis..macam she meninggal dunia like that) every time I blog I'll post up how long more till she comes back.

I was at Tower yesterday, doing what I usually do and I decided to give the general public a viewing of the inner workings of Tower Records Sunway Pyramid. So here it is. Introducing...

Putra! Here he is opening a CD to listen to. We open like 50 million Cd's a day. I think we cater more to our own musical fetishes more than we do our customer's.

Practicing the sacred tradition of stoning.

Chai Lay and Kamal on the computers checking myspace, msn-ing, and sms-ing.

My bored/stoning*coughcoughcamwhoringcough* expression.

And now, may I present the many faces of BEE!

Bee busy working on 'work' that has nothing to do with work.lol.

OMFG! I so love this pic! See? Patience had its benefits. She's soooo gonna cincang me for this but its to hilarious not to put!!!

Bee with her 'secretary' face.

I have no idea what face.

Bee! You see?? I give you free publicity! Tak charge langsung! This woman's gonna become more famous than me..and its my blog pulak tu..=_=''

My Honey-chan and I. Notice how we're both wearing pink? I SWEAR we didn't plan it.

The Chocolate Cake Theory.Truly Sinful.

2008-03-06T00:14:00.000-08:00

So, what sparked this whole theory started when one of my girlfriends asked me if I masturbated. When I said no she asked me how the heck I satisfied my 'sexual tension'. It didn't really help all that much when I said I didn't really have one.(not smart on my part I guess. She gasped in horror and looked like I just committed blasphemy) But then I had to rush out an explanation of some sort and this is what came out of it. The reason I'm actually BLOGGING about it is cause of what my friend(who shall remain nameless) said a few days ago..

Friend: YOUR A NUN!
YoursTruly: No I'm not.
Friend: Bloody hell yes you are! It seems NOTHING turns you on!
YourTruly: So not true. Plenty turns me on.
Friend: LIAR. Pauline The NUN!!!!
YoursTruly: Shaddap. =_=''

The Chocolate Cake Theory is this: Let's just say that you've never EVER tried chocolate cake before in your life. You've tasted every other cake there is..tiramisu, cheese, blueberry, stawberry, whatever berry known to man.. All except chocolate. You've seen it plenty of times but you've never actually tasted one so you have no desire to gorge yourself with it. Sure, every once in a while you get TEMPTED to but then you don't in the end and you don't get what the big hu-ha about chocolate cake is all about. But one fine day in the near(or distant, whichever suits your fancy) future, you actually decide and say "Hey what the hell I'm gonna try it" And when you do... You end up liking it soooo much that you keep wanting more. It becomes one of your favourites. See, when you DIDN'T know what chocolate cake tasted like, the urge to eat it wasn't as strong compared to when you HAVE tried it.

*To those who aren't quiet getting the gist of it, you have to think of chocolate cake as a metaphor for sex or anything along those lines.*

So basically I haven't tasted my chocolate cake yet. Of course I'm tempted to but who isn't? It doesn't JUST apply to sex. It applies to stuff like your first kiss, necking, making out..

I'm very proud of this theory cause I came up with it all by lonesome and within a span of 2 minutes no less.

*After I explain this theory to Fitz*
Fitz: Hmm... That actually makes sense.. You a bit the smart also huh?
YoursTruly: OI! What A BIT?? I ALOT the smart ok! *beams in bangga-ness*
Fitz: Aha. Okay.

YUM.

Saint Valentine. Know Him?

2008-02-20T02:25:00.000-08:00

Okay, since everyone is posting Valentine's post I might as well right?(Actually my friend Sherilee who's overseas insisted. Why I can't just tell her over msn I don't know.)

Anywho, at midnight I called my wonderful, adorable Michelle R and messaged Mich C wishing them. Senpai was uber cute cause he had to keep track of the time the whole day so he could be the 1st one to wish me. When he does call, he's extra excited asking me if he's 1st. I told him he was fifth cause he was 20 minutes late. Then he merajuk.

Now, I was SUPPOSE to be off that day but they tukar my off day. But that wasn't going to ruin it for me. In the morning Honey-chan and I met up with Hilmi and Krishendren cause Hilmi wanted to treat me to a birthday/valentine's lunch. Had a ton of fun. Oh, and through out the day Senpai called me at random intervals to wish me so basicly he called almost every other hour. *blushes as the crowd goes awwww!* Then went to work. I was hyper, Ikhmal was emo-ing.

Then later that night, Hafiz picked me up as planned but didn't tell me where we were going. Said it was a surprise and I should just be good girl and quit fidgeting. So I did but as soon as we turned into that all too fimiliar road I knew where we were going. Aiden's mum's house a.k.a mummy. She planned an entire V day party for all of us! the whole garden was lit with only tealight candles that were everywhere and everything was either pink, red or white. And I finally got to wear my prom dress. She even made cupcakes which of course matched the colour scheme and she cooked EVERYTHING herself. The party was soooo much fun. And Senpai wasn't forgotten cause they took a HUGE piece of cardboard, wrote 'RYAN' on it, and placed it on the seat next to me. Everyone wrote messages and stuff on it and their going to send it to him. Then we played that game where you tie your hands behind your back and you and your partner have to eat an apple clean somehow? Yea well, Hafiz and I ended up champions after almost dropping the darn apple. And I bit Hafiz's lip in the process(Sorry tuanku!) but we still won! We both 2 jacoons doing some weird victory dance. You'd think by the look of it we just won the war... But the rest of the night was spent dancing, eating, chatting, dancing, playing pranks and eating some more. And there's a ton of pictures but I am WAY too lazy to post.

I loved my pressie sayang. Hope you like yours too.
To my 3 FAVOURITE F.I.L's(you know who you are) : Hope your day was just as fun fun fun!
Thank you Hafiz! Hope the boo-boo is feeling better.
Hilmi! Lunch was yummy!

Happy Valentine's All Of You!

I Shall Name This Post: Drakkar Noir

2008-02-12T07:42:00.000-08:00

"BF can mean boyfriend OR...best friend. Muahahaha!!" Kamal the useless psychic.

So, hamsapoldman has come and gone. After trying(and failing to no end) to sound him for not making an effort to meet up we finally DID meet up last sunday. He came after church and the two Michelle's(I need to think of a better title for them. Any suggestions?) Corey, Josh, Harvey, Lyd and I went to lunch. Then we went to watch The Eye in sunway which was quiet good-ish la. But it was good to have an arm to dig my nails into. muahaha! The tower boys finally met HamSapOldMan and Koston was actually NICE to him. surprising gila babi. Oh, and Kamal officially thinks Kish and I are gonna hook up and get married. =____="

I finally got my prezzie! yay! Its this tiki god necklace and it has a paua shell thingy that can only be found in NZ. I've seen it before but never knew what it meant till now. Kish gave me long lecture about what its for. Basicly it's for protection and good fortune and is meant to watch over me. I've been wearing since I got it the other day, I was waiting for HippieAccountant at starbucks. I was reading and when I looked up there was this huge(in the muscular sense) mat salleh dude in front of me. He gave me a smile, saw my necklace, and asked if I was from NZ. I said someone gave it to me and he was like "oh, boyfriend?" I said "er, no..best friend" then he smiles again(damn nice his teeth wei...) and says "he must love you very much huh?" I replied I donno. Swt. but we ended up chatting until I had to leave. Nice guy him.

Last Saturday we met up again and spent the day together. First we went to somewhere near masjid india(I think) where we bought skirts for his mum's friends. Then after walking through God only knows where we took the train to KLCC where we bought shot glasses for his mat salleh friends(all whom I know by name) He was on a mission: Buy shoes. So we looked around, I almost went face first into a signboard and still couldn't find anything. So of course I dragged his skinny bum to kinokuniya and almost burst out laughing when I saw their 'Love That Bites' section. Dad picked us up at the station and sent us to Sunway where I dumped my bag, got the 'AHA!' look from kamal and went to eat. Since he's never tried it, I took him to bbq plaza. OMFG he was so cute! using so much concentration! Damn funny. Then he found out that I've eaten sushi before but I've never been to a japanese restaurant before so he said(with full conviction as if it was his aim in life) to take me. We went to look at more shoes and I went to work. Once there, I saw my old cell mate Josh. His older older than me and is funny as anything. He sees me and just lifts my feet off the floor in this gila bear hug like I weight nothing. Was catching up when Kish datang kacau going on and on about 'omfgthemostfuckingawesomeshoesever!!!' so I took break, went to 'consult' on the shoes, and then went to sushi king for the 1st time. It was really good. So we both tried something new and then he pergi... *pouts* And now his back where he should be, being the same pestering hamsapoldman he always is.

Oh by the way Kish, remember what I told you my dad said about my friend? Well, I asked and he said you look like you have an incureable disease and I should stay away from you cause I might get it too. *stiffles a fit of laughter*

The great pains Kishy-kins went through to eat his food.

eh wait..he'll cincang me if I put this up...*puts it up anyway*

The girl behind us was actually pretty cute..though she looks like ju-on's grandaughter here. I really like this pic..

The pains I went through. No, not really.

Dip dip, eat eat.

Trying to catch fly with chopsticks.

Green tea. Yum!

Ergh.I was forced to this pic up by the pest sitting beside me. =_=

His awsome new shoes. Someone's gonna clubbing with style now.

2008-01-14T06:58:00.000-08:00

I went out with TammyWammy on Saturday. We were bored out of our skulls and as we tried unsuccessfully to invite other's to this outing we ended up going just the 2 of us. I haven't seen her in ages but one thing hasn't changed. SHE STILL DOESN'T LOOK 1*!!(she doesn't like to reveal her age. I shall respect that wish) But just to prove my point, Kamal was checking her out. And he was totally shocked when I said she was only ***teen.

I was kinda worried cause it was the 2 of us just cause I didn't want those horribly awkward moments of silence. Thank God no such thing happened! I didn't want to invite Aiden cause he's a little pre-occupied. We went to sunway and finally we decided to watch..

It was good. The girl is an absolute cutie. Then after we went to eat. But it was nice to catch up. She heard all the horror stories involving toilets, REALLY open customers, girlfriends and just as open guy friends. And how WELL I'm fitting it in my new job and my new friends(winks at Tammy) MAJOR RANDOM-NESS. And it was a relief that she didn't have the omg I can't believe she did that/I cant believe she has friends like that/scandalous look on her face. (thanks for that Tammy) Kind of getting sick of that. Honestly, what I do is no one's business but my own(and those important to me) And it's not like I'm out commiting some major felony. But I found it interesting/plesantly surprising that she was actually trusting me with stuff of her own.

I met Kevin(tuition dude) who thought we were sisters. Honestly! Just cause we're indians(and she's mixed some more. So am I for that matter.) doesn't mean we look alike! =_=

It was fun Tammy. We should do it more often. And keep me posted on stuff ya? *hugs*

I pray you aren't doing this. Please let it be not true. Sun, I love you as much as Aiden does. You're my big sis. But if this is true, if this happened, I WILL be on Aiden's side. I won't abandon you completely, but I'm with him on this. I don't want to take sides. You both mean so much to me, but if this is true.. I would just die. So would he.

kNOw Music, kNOw Life

2008-01-09T18:57:00.000-08:00

"Tu babi hutan banyak kat belakang rumah kat kampung aku." Aadzim talking like it's common knowledge.

Aloha. So these past few weeks/days have been very the tiring and busy so now I finally have time to write on this blog of mine. My Christmas was ok. I spent new year's eve with my family at some hotel, occasionally dancing with my cutie-pie niece right in front on this Christmas tree at the main lobby.

Last Saturday went out with both Michelle's(Michelle C and Michelle R) it was very the fun. Then on Sunday we had a yearly church lunch where we met out new youth pastor. After that I left for sunway(again!) cause the obnoxious Aadzim has been pestering us to go yam cha for ages. So Honey-chan and YoursTruly met him there. AADZIM GOT GIRLFRIEND! like an actualy REAL one! nor make believe! It's true! I saw the picture!(haha! sorry aadzim! I couldn't resist) Anywho, she's real pretty and works at the same bank as him(eh wait. does that mean your dad knows? since he runs the place?) We went to Carl's junior. The fries there very nice. But the burger meat looked so pathetic! then I told them about the 'wild boar' at church and we were nicely laughing at all the babi hutan jokes. And seriously, It felt so good to laugh like that again. To talk like a bunch of apek's and laugh until your crying and snorting.

Then on Monday, guess where we went? Come on..guess. If you answered Sunway, then your half correct. We did go to sunway..Sunway Lagoon. Just us 3 girls. There were suppose to be men at this outing but all bailed last minute. We made friends with the dude who ran the rapids ride thingy cause we went on that like 8 times. I rode the tomahawk 6 times..it wasn't as scary as I remembered it. And you know the ducks of sunway lagoon? the mascots? well, we were somewhere near the tomahawk and as a joke the two people inside the ducks suits(there's a girl and boy duck) started making out. Or at least try to. Their beaks got in the way. Then the boy duck cried cause LSM didn't high five him then he tried to flirt with her by playing with her air which she didn't even feel. ham sup duck. =__=''

Oh oh! I'm a working girl! Guess where? SUNWAY! I'm working at Tower Records. It's right beside Baskin Robin's. Come see me! I'm usually there from 5pm onwards. But I'm not working this weekend. Anywho, my job's good. Boring la, cause there nothing much to do. But the people are great! My boss is Joe who's this rocker with hair oh so long. I'm the only girl there so I kena manja. On my 1st day, Joe wasn't there. Only Koston, Kamal and Jin. After awhile Jin left and I just stood there most of the day cause kamal did most of the work. He told me to relax. My 1st day and I'm already relaxing. And by the second day, I'm already helping Koston buy a present for his gf. aww.. Yesterday my shift was with Joe and the other newbie, Mark. Honestly, I feel more comfortable with Jin, Kamal and Koston cause they already think of me as one of them and so I feel really relaxed around them.(and also cause I kena manja la..) Joe and Mark got some male bonding thing going on. But everyday sure got something stupid happens one. It's like being in a classroom as Honey-Chan puts it. 2% work and 98% goofing off.

"Eh! Tak muat la! How to fit??!"

We called it: The Burger Diaper.

Got more but lazy want to upload. Toodles!

Watching From A Distance.

2008-01-05T07:10:00.000-08:00

He stood there wedged between the tall, hard buildings and the crowd of people. He watched her fragile frame get smaller and more distant. He knew that he was setting himself up for a huge disappointment. She wasn't ready. She hadn't healed yet. She was broken, a delicate porcelain china doll that fell from it's pretty display case, smashed to a few pieces. She was glued back together but she still had some pieces missing. He knew he was going to get hurt, used. Everyone had told him that she was never going to be ready and in the back of his mind, he knew that the same thought was brewing. Would she ever be ready? Would she ever open herself to him? The way she did that night? Oh, that night. It was perfect. It was magical. It made him calm thinking about it. It made him think that there was hope. Hope that he clung to dearly. At the end of the day, he knew the risks. He knew that she may never be ready to heal, to let him heal her.. But he didn't care. Fact was this: He would wait. No matter what, he'd wait for her. And all she had to do was be ready. Be ready to heal. Willing to let him close enough to fit those tiny pieces back into her. He could make her whole again. All she had to do was let him. So till that time comes, he'll wait for her. So now there he was, watching her walk away into the crowd. Watching her with longing and hurt and pain and love. Watching her walk farther and farther away away from him. "Don't worry" he thought. "I'm not going anywhere."

...But he was so busy watching, so busy waiting for someone who may never reach him, that he never took notice to the petite figure standing some distance behind him...Watching him with tears in her eyes as she she prayed that he would turn around and see her. But he never did. She stood there in the crowd and watched and waited as the person she loved and cherished watched and waited on another.

2007-12-21T16:05:00.000-08:00

I can't believe all all people. I'm the one that's saying this but.. I'm not looking foward to Christmas this year. At all. DADDY! COME BACK HOME QUICK AND TAKE ME HOME!

But please ignore my Bah! Humbug mood and have an excellent Christmas for yourselves!

I WOULD LIKE TO WISH EVERYONE I KNOW A BLESSED CHRISTMAS.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

An Insult To My Intelligence.

2007-11-24T03:08:00.000-08:00

Hello. SPM is going good. And although I didn't want to blemish my precious blog with details on it, I would like to make one teeny tiny statement. SPM Moral Is A Load Of Crap.

Why? Well, for one thing, we have to memorise 36 different values and their 'key words'. You write your imbuhan wrong and your whole beautiful essay can masuk jamban. But that I can live with. What I CAN'T live with is this: You(and yes, I mean you dear) ask us to cram our head with useless kata kunci's which we do without complaint(well, not much at least) and you go ask us pre-school like questions such as...

Nyatakan 3 cara anda menjaga buku text pinjaman.
State 3 ways you would use to take care of a text books on loan.

OR..

3 cara peniaga menipu para pengguna.
3 ways businessmen cheats..us.

These questions I can still answer without making some dignity-challenging remark. But what made me go 'HUH??' out loud in the middle of a pin drop silence hall was the most oxymoron(ah..I love this word. Suits the occasion) question I've ever encountered:

Nyatakan 3 sebab keganasan patut diperangi.
Give 3 reasons for war against violence.

Your kidding right? You want me to give you 3 reasons WHY WAR IS GOOD? It's not enough you insult my intelligence with idiotic question that a 5 year old will gleefully give you the answer to but to ask me something so..so...Un-moral like?! Anyway I sliced it, I couldn't see what the advantages were. Any war, no matter what the cause will endanger the people of that country. Innocent lives will be lost and that is non-excusable. So, what did I do? I wrote(in my fantastic Malay of course) that I don't think war is the answer to anything(even violence) and whoever thinks otherwise can take his macho ego pride and shove it. Call me a hippie if you wish but I rather be a hippie than a moron who can't even think of questions for moral. 3 marks I rather not get anyway cause last time I checked, lying wasn't very morale-like.

Phew. Now with that out of the way, I would like talk about the webs we build sometimes. For instance, I met Joelle in LIFE Youth. We became fast friends and I find out her mum is an awesome singer. One day I was watching some show in my aunt's house and her mum was performing. So me, being all bangga for my friend goes and tells my aunt this. My aunt give me a dumbfounded look and say "girl, I know aunty Junjie. YOU know aunty Junjie. They lived behind us!" She then continues to explain how they used to stay behind my aunt's house and I would play with their daughter(who turned out to be Joelle) It seems that we were really close until she moved out. And now I'm friends with my long lost playmate!

And then there's Nicole who added me on friendster cause I was a hopelessly hopeless romantic. Turns out, we both went to Saint Francis when I was in Sabah during standard 1. We were even in the same class. She even remembers that whole OrangGilaOnTheCliffIsGonnaMurderUsAll event which sent the entire school into a panic. Story is, you could see the distant shadow of this guy at the edge of this cliff who was waving around what they think was a parang and doing some funky foot work(looked like he kena rasuk basicly) and was going to come down and murder us all.=__= But this seriously happened! I'm not making this up! everyone was so scared that no one left the canteen. Alot of people fainted, even teachers. I think police and ambulance also came. I remember laughing.

And of course, let's not forget my very own HamSapOldMan. I met him..randomly. I don't really remember how I got to know him except that it was somehow through my cousin. Started talking and found out that he was really close to a girl who is also close to my cousin and he knows my cousin also through my cousin's father. My cousin's really good friend is his er..least like-able person who happens to be now dating his ex. And his ex is also good friends with my cousin. Oh, and to add another pawn in this elaborate chess set.. Lydia who is my friend has added him on Facebook and is now really good friends with mr.Kishor. And she didn't even know I knew him until a few days ago. Funny how life works huh?

Barry-kins! Told you got junior like you before. Tak mau percaya.. Why must you question my intelligence? Haha..Don't forget our deal dude!

Kish, I think I've lost my sarcasm. I miss it soo.*whimpers*

Oh, by the way they actually state as one of the rules in the moral paper that we're not suppose to copy or reveal the questions inside so if I become an inmate of our friendly jail I expect LOTS of visits and goodies from you lot! But then again, orange was never really my colour..lol.

Pauline the rebel. Nice ring to it don't you think?

Summer Love Prom Night.

2007-11-20T00:31:00.000-08:00

YAY!! Posters are finally here!(Go here for a larger, more CLEARER view) Those of all ages, youngsters all the way to senior citizens are invited! Non USJ 8 folks and martians are also more than welcome! Tickets are RM95 but if you want to buy your tickets at the event then it will cost you rm105. Attire is semi-formal but that does not mean you get to come in slippers, shorts, mini skirts or t-shirt. Smart Casual please! We're all smart people here. Enjoy the vocal stylings of Hujan, MeetUncleHussein, DeadEyesGlow, RupturedArteries and our very own BrokenShards. Also, get up close and personal with DJ FUzz from Hitz.fm. There will also be a fashion show, shuffle competition, lucky draws and tons of booth so bring extra money! For further info you can leave me a message on in my cbox or go straight to the source! Adzley: 017-2302934 or Katriyana: 0172243743.

*And yes, what it says on the bottom is for real. NO DRUGS, ALCOHOL or SEX ALLOWED during this event. And I'm just donating some space on my blog to advertise. The real credit goes to those crazy kids.*

2007-11-14T05:08:00.000-08:00

Hey hey! My previous post was not all me as you know. Max was fooling around and I just decided to let him.

Michelle! I FOUND IT!(and for those of you wondering what I found..I lost something very valuable to me recently..The maid mis-placed it.) The lady went and chucked it at some God forsaken place which I just happen to be digging through cause I was looking for something else she mis-placed. =__= Yay!(Still didn't find the original item I was looking for though.)

What happen to just staying friends? Your not making this any easier you know. I guess that's not necessarily a bad thing. And yes, you are my Edward. Let's just hope I don't fall apart the way Bella does when the time comes. Time isn't on our side.

and..

I Adore You Too.

(And thank you for knowing better than to say the 'other thing'.)

Random Post feat. Max.

2007-11-02T06:02:00.000-07:00

WHAT??!! You mean men nowadays don't usually get circumcised?? woe is me. Max, you couldn't have told me this sooner? If that's true, then I'm a goner. Better learn how to get over it.

Max: Muahahaha! Pauline is never gonna have sex! EVER!(you readers wanna know why don you? hint: it has something to do wit the above statement! ask me ask me!)

Pauline:*Fumes in silence.*

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YoursTruly when she's pissed at Max: Screw you Max.
Max: Someone already has. *big grin*

Max to HippieAccountant when he sleeps over: Don't worry uncle! We'll play safe!
HippieAccauntant: lol.
YoursTruly: =______='' Screw you Max.

Only us humans can take something as random as teabags and make it horny.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My favourite junior is actually...deeper than he seems. Thank God for that. There's going to be alot more drama after this Barry. Especially next year. Please be ready for it. *Hugsandkisses*

Powerspace- Right On, Right Now.

2007-10-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

It's gonna be total awesome-ness! Come and join us for a night of fun and ridiculous antics! Whether you be young, old, very young, very old, from another planet or a weird shade of purple..It doesn't matter! Your invited! Yes you! We would like to especially invite standard 6's who are gonna be attending USJ 8 next year. get a head start on knowing your seniors! What's the best part? It's FOC. Yes, you heard right. So come and enjoy! Please let me know if your coming as late as 30th October 2007. See you there! Toodles!

Behind The Facade.

2007-10-12T02:13:00.000-07:00

So you can save your pitchforks and angry villagers. I've finally wrote part two! Yay! And yes, I know it's rather long but bare with me okay? Go here to refresh your memories if you want to.

Clarice.
Clarice was a petite beauty. Midnight black hair, curled delicately around her heart shaped face. Her eyes were a stunning shade of honey. And she was just as sweet in her demeanor. Her laugh was contagious and everyone thought of her as their little sister. She was always one to express her emotions but this was a little.. awkward. Had she even known Alexis that well? To be grieving over her lifeless body the way she was. And there was something about it that seemed a little..theatrical. She looked like she was overdoing it. Each sob sounded too..rehearsed. Her crying was the loudest sound among the hushed, haunting whispers, all trying to figure out what motive someone as innocent as Clarice would have for killing Alexis. All around her, people were in shock. Not wanting to stare at the dead body in front of them and yet.. They find themselves unable to look away. Indeed, even in death, Alexis radiated a certain sort of beauty. As eerie and as haunting as it was..

Diana.
Diana was statuesque. Straight blond hair that ran down to her waist. She never walked, she glided. She had the beauty of a goddess. But even with such enormous beauty, she still paled in comparison to Alexis. You see, It was Diana's eyes that gave her away. Her eyes were a dark shade of emerald and could hypnotise anyone but they always seemed to be filled with resentment, loathing, jealousy. It was as if nothing was ever good enough for her. And that was why she hated Alexis so. Alexis was always loving, warm. And that made her more beautiful than she already was. When she smiled, the room was filled instantly with a warm glow. When she spoke, everyone listened in rapt attention. Alexis made you feel like you were the only one in the room when she looked at you. All these, Diana could never do, and that made her jealousy for Alexis grow. Diana was used to being chased by men. And it was her own personal sinful pleasure to hurt them. But she had finally fallen in love. Donovan had wealth, charm, good looks, and he was probably more cruel than she was. If that was even possible. It was a match made in heaven or somewhere or another. All she had to do was to wait till he came on his knees, begging for her to accept him, like so many before. Imagine her horror when she found out that he was on his knees, but not for her, but for Alexis instead. In her eyes, Alexis had stolen everything from her and it was no different now with Donovan. Her hatred combined with her jealousy would definitely make a 'deadly' concoction wouldn't it? Enough to commit murder perhaps?

Peter.
Peter the artist. Always aloof. He never really fit in. He was tall and lanky and looked extremely fragile, as if the mere wind would could break him into two. But he was talented. His long pale fingers would glide across a grand piano, playing haunting yet mesmerising music. His hair always fell across his eyes, as if he was afraid someone would see right into them, like Alexis did time and time again. He was quiet to everyone but her. Alexis and him were best friends. Neighbors for years, their mansions side by side. Partners in crime. Ever since they were young, they spent day and night together. Got into all kinds of trouble. But Alexis was always better with fitting in with 'them' than he was. Maybe that was because Alexis was the only one who accepted him the way he was. Now there he stood, looking numb, in pain but distant at the same time..like he had a secret waiting at the tip of his lips. Suddenly, he broke down. The wall he normally puts up came down crumbling. He knelt beside her body..crying. He said nothing. Just cried. everyone couldn't help but feel sorry for him. His best friend was dead. The only person that ever made him feel normal was gone and he was left here to grieve over her. Everyone dare not touch someone so hurt, cause they knew there was no word of comfort they could give. So they just stared with sadness in their eyes.

Donovan.
Donovan was what any woman would call perfect. Tall and muscular, he looked like he could take on a mountain lion and win. Dirty blond hair that brought out the mischievous twinkle of his dark brown eyes. He was also greedy and spoilt. He knew he could get any girl he wanted just by smiling at them. Then one day he set his sights on Alexis. Alexis was the most beautiful and most wanted. He would be the envy of every men, far and wide. They would be the perfect couple. And let's not forget her wealth. She would be the perfect trophy. He was used to getting what he wanted so imagine his displeasure and rage when Alexis turned his proposal down flat. How dare she? Who did she think she was to deny me??! And to insult me so! And to make matters worse, she decides to marry that low life Connor. How dare she choose him over me! And although he hated Connor he was still determined to make Alexis his. But his efforts were very much in vain. Donovan was not used to being said no to. Perhaps he thought that if he could not have her, no one could?

Annie.
Annie had her hands wrapped around her. She looked like she was cold but that wasn't it. It was fear. her blue eyes darted left and right as she read the expression of those around her. she knew what they were thinking. They had seen that argument earlier. She was the prime suspect. Alexis was always kind and helpful to rebel Annie. She was always willing to forgive Annie, always patient with her. But Annie liked breaking the rules. It's how she got her kicks, what she did for fun. It was the only way Annie's parents even realised she was alive. It forced them to notice her, but after awhile, they hardly seemed to care anymore than they used to. But Alexis cared. Everyone stopped noticing little Annie. But Alexis noticed. Alexis was trying to reach out to Annie because she used to BE Annie. She was just as troubled, just as lonely. But Alexis climbed out of that dark pit and now she was trying to pull Annie out as well. Alexis was trying to help her. But it was getting on Annie's nerves. She didn't need help. She liked where she was. Why the hell did Alexis care so much? What's in it for her? Who cares if I get into trouble. I doubt people would even care if I was dead. So what's the difference? Was Alexis' ways getting just too troublesome for little Annie? Troubled Annie was in trouble now...

Connor.
Now he was a story. Connor had a charming crooked smile and was simply dashing. He had dark brown hair with wisps of blond here and there. His eyes had an intense gaze to them. A gaze he reserved for Alexis, his bride to be. They had met at a party, much like this one. But in that party he was a waiter and she...Well, she was the belle of the ball as usual. She was different from the others, she didn't stare at him repulsively. In fact, she held his gaze and smiled at him warmly. Something 'they' certainly never did. Her eyes made his heart beat faster. He was soloud he was sure she could hear it over the chatter. And he was filled with the desire to stare into her eyes all night long. Her skin seemed to glow and shine. She was the picture of perfection, a goddess in the making. But even then, there was something so human, so gentle, so vunerable about her. That was the beginning of a passionate romance. Connor had vowed to take care of her and was planning to marry her. But of course he had his pride and wanted to be as successful as the men around her. He wanted to be hosting these events, not a waiter. He wanted the best for her. But Alexis didn't care about that. In fact she wanted to escape all this. As long as Connor would be by her side, she didn't care where life took her. But ah.. men and their pride. He was still determined to make it and Alexis stood by him. They belonged together and no one could tell them otherwise. Yet, he hated being dragged to these event because he didn't want to be the mocked. Didn't want to be the bud of the 'upper class' jokes. But she dragged him anyway. They had just been in an argument before they got here. An argument that of course everybody knew about. He accused Alexis of trying to put him down, that he was just an 'accessory'. His last words to her were words of loathing. What emotions was stronger then? Love? Or maybe loathing took over his better judgement..

We Have Our Suspects. Who Did It?

Hey! I never said I was giving you guys the ending! just part 2! Muahahaha!! I guess pitchforks and angry villagers still gonna come huh? I personally like the way there's a bit of Alexis everywhere. Getting to know her through the others. But that's just me. Well, I promise an ending WILL come but you guys tell me who YOU think ok? PLEASE don't hate me!! LOL!*laughs sinisterly*

Joyride.

2007-09-22T05:13:00.000-07:00

I shall start off with something random: those of you who own blogspot accounts, ever seen those blog titles that they show sometimes? they write blog updated at a certain time and show a list of blogs titles. I took the time to watch this and you really seem some interesting blog titles such as: Celebrity HUNK pics, masturbating tips, big man are small, ignore my self-obsession and a whole lot more. Just thought they were real funny. Man's imagination never ceases to amaze me.

I went out today and met up with an my old friend Sharmaine. We were best friends in standard 6.(Very the weird right? from Sharmaine to Sher-Maine. LOL) Anywho, we haven't seen each other in 5 years. I really didn't know what to expect so I didn't expect at all. I let it come as it may. It was so much fun! We looked through my yearbook and updated each other on stuff. I was a bit more reserved though. And I haven't been to watch a darn movie on ages so we went to watch:

Although this movie has a really good message behind it but by the end of it everybody would probably forget it and just be singing to' Good Morning Baltimore' The movie in front of use was even more fun. 2 separate groups: 1 all guys, another all girls. The girls going OMGOMGOMG everytime Zac Efron showed his face and a group of guys who thought they were funny..and hot. Major LOL-ness I tell you!

Oh yea, I actually saw this girl there with her friends. Next week out turn cutie! Then I bought Twilight. Sharmaine asked me what would I rather be?

a) A Witch

b) An Angel

c) A Devil

d) A Vampire

Obviously I choose vampire. Those of you who know me well enough should know why. But I was a bit eefy about the whole eternal live thing. I would LOVE to know what you guys would choose and why. If you could choose, what would you want to be? You can tell me on my cbox ya?

And I should probably let you guys know this now. Some of you already know but my dad is going back to Sabah in the end of the year, leaving me here to fend college and life by lonesome. Talk about being shoved into the real world. I'm pretty sure I'll be fine but please keep me in your prayers ok guys? Oh darn, I should tell Uncle Kevin shouldn't I? Darn..

Intorducing: Sharmaine!

Remembered things long forgotten

Seventeen Candles!

2007-09-13T03:23:00.000-07:00

"One More Year & You'll Finally Be Legal!" Michelle R.

One more year and I'll be of legal age to get naughty!(tunggu aku ya Michelle & Aiden!) But for now..I'm SEVENTEEN! YAY!! Let's recount on what took place shall we?

I wasn't expecting much this year cause of trials and even though we only had arts today(all you have to do is paint!) but Aljer had Physics so couldn't plan anything. And LSM kept forgetting it was coming up so I had to remind her which was actually quite amusing. Anywho..

Last night, kinda got irritated at a certain person cause he was being irritating.The 1st person to wish me was Michelle R who had called like 40 minutes earlier. Ended up sleeping at like 1 a.m. Woke up the next day and went to school. It's tradition for HippieAccountant to forget my birthday so I decided to tell him only before I got out of the car. The conversation went like this:

YoursTruly: I need to tell you something*puts on most serious face possible*

HippieAccountant: What? You got expelled didn't you?

YoursTruly: =___= CHOY!!!

After alot of confusion, making him feel as guilty as possible and him thinking that my birthday was on September 11...

HippieAccountant: oh, oh OH!! *looks at me* sorry la. Happy birthday Pauline*in most macho voice possible*

Then LSM came and she was carrying a secret recipe box. OMG! You bought a WHOLE CAKE?!! fast foward to class.. They didn't allow me to look as they took out the cake. it was the one piece one. LOL! So when I asked her how she got the box she said, I really bought the whole cake la mangkok! OH! okay!! The gang(minus Aljer,Ooi Yee & Aadzim) then took turns feeding me. Neo was the funniest..

"You feed me or I feed you?"

That basicly sent all of us(especially WeiLeong) into a laughing fit!

Then after opened Sook Teng's present I waited anxiously for my present from my best friend.

"I didn't bring. Aku lupa la! Fragile tau!"

=_________=

Fine la then. I wanted to see the rest of the cake so I opened the box and what do you know..Wanna see my cake?

Lo and behold, LSM put her gift inside the box! Surprise gila bapak siput babi I tell you!! That's not a bad thing cause I LOVE SURPRISES! It was totally shocking! I was shocked! And she kept saying she felt bad because she didn't plan anything. Then later masa balik hubby-kins gave me a hug! Which was also shocking cause he's normally really shy when it comes to hugging! Went home, got changed and went to Aiden's parent's house for lunch. His mummy(who was a second mum to me in standard 6) cooked me a full birthday lunch!! Thanks Mummy!! The cake was awesome! Hung out in Aiden's room, fooled around and then headed back, got ready and went for dinner with HippieAccountant. Awesome stuff.

Thank You Lee Sher-Maine for coming up with such a great surprise!

Thank You Kish for staying up till 4a.m. just to wish me.

Thank You WeiLeong for the huggy.

Thank You To ALL OF YOU who wished me and kept me in your memory and your hearts.

I Appreciate It All. Thank You Guys!! MUAKS!!*EXTRA WET SLOBBERY KISS*

I was gonna post some pics but stupid blogger being stupid. So I'll just post it up later. Toodles!

2007-09-10T07:45:00.000-07:00

Yet another tag. Not that I'm complaining. Gives me something to do. I got tagged by Andrew who still hasn't done the other one I tagged him for..hmph! Anywho, the rules are as followed:

1. The tag victim has to come up with 8 different points about his/her perfect lover.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect lover.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game and leave a comment on their blog.
4. If you are tagged the second time, there is NO need to do this again.
5. Lastly, and most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

i. I love a man who can make me laugh without trying too hard. Being naturally funny and not being afraid of showing off his clowny side. Dudes that try to too hard tend to get really annoying and tiring. Just be yourself!

ii. Although I love a good laugh, he needs to know when to tone down. Knows WHEN to be serious and when to kill me with that punchline.

iii. He has to be a good conversationalist. I can't be doing all the talking 24/7. A relationship is a 2 way street.

iv. When it comes to physical traits, my request is simple. TALLER THAN ME! But I also find guys in glasses with that whole classy look VERY sexy.

v. Someone who can read me well. Knows me not only through my body language or what I say or what I do.

vi. Trusts me enough to not get jealous at the other men in my life. A big no-no would be someone who wanted to spend every waking moment with me till he forgets his friends(and I'd have to sacrifice mine) and also someone who is ALWAYS messaging me. If you wanna do it, please do it in moderation. You don't have to ask me how am I every freaking day.

vii. Another requirement is that he would have to own a pair of boxers. Meaning gender of my choice would of course be a male. But I've always preferred guys in boxers or boxer briefs(?) rather than briefs.

viii. Is as enthusiastic about life as I am. Loves music(reading is a bonus) and is against animal cruelty!

ix. Doesn't mind getting his hands dirty. And he's got to be someone I can play in the rain with.

x. Well, of course every girl wants someone who is romantic. But I'm a darn sucker for romantic gestures. Big or small. So someone who knows how to be romantic in small ways.(and without having to rob a bank) Small everyday gestures are WAY more romantic to me compared to one gigantic gesture during a special event(although I won't be complaining.LOL)

xi. Someone who isn't shy to show me a how he feels. And most importantly, he has to be honest.

I Tag:
i. Michelle Ooi
ii. Michelle Cheong
iii. Tammy-Wammy
iv. PrincessLSM
v. Kishy-kins
vi. KittyKat.

In The Middle Of A Burning Room.

2007-09-08T02:47:00.000-07:00

Standing in the middle of a burning room. Just you and me. Let everything around us burn. Let the curtain curl up in smoke, let the furniture crumble around us. Let everything that has no life, that has no soul, let them be destroyed. We'll stand here. In the middle. Dancing. Dancing to the tune of the flames. I'll hold you close as we dance in circles. Nothing can hurt us here. Let every problem, every bad thought, every hurtful word, everything the came between us burn in the heat of the flame. Everything will burn. Except you. Except me. Except us. Let the flames come, Let it burn away everything. Let it try to burn us. We'll just keep on dancing. Just us. In the middle of the burning room of our lives. May everything turn to dust. All but us.

2007-09-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to believe in anymore. I used to believe in fairy tales, in princesses in beautiful frocks, princes with their shiny swords and armour. Used to believe in happy endings. Living happily ever after. But that was before I grew up.

I used to believe in good. That it could overcome anything. That the good guys always won and bad guys always lost. But that was before I found out that isn't always true. Even good guys could die.

I used to believe in fairy tale romances. That I would grow old with someone. We would ride off into the sunset. But that was before I got heart broken one too many times.

I used to believe in the words perfect and normal. That perfection could be gained. That was before I realised that the world was better off without these words.

I used to believe that life was grand. A big ball, full of colours. People all around, dancing and waving at each other. Everyone knew each other. Everyone cared. That was before I saw what the real world had to offer.

I used to think lying was bad. Period. But that was before I realised it was an art. Not good, but not bad.. Justified at times.

I used to believe in you. But you took that away from me the day you walked out. The day you left me crying in the rain with nothing but hollow excuses.

I used to believe I had a heart. A whole one. Now I'm not so sure anymore. Not since you took it away. Did you return it? Will you return it?

I used to believe in love. In trust. In the joy of love. That was before I had my heart got thrown into the fire place.

I used to believe in something. Now I just don't know. I don't know what to believe in anymore.

*Crap! Soppy-ness! I'm losing my edge! Help!! Please bear with me. I think i only like that written in red..hiaz..not pleased with myself at all. Where's my edge?!! hilang bawah batu mana????!!*

You Tag, I Tag, Everybody Tag Tag!

2007-09-04T03:11:00.000-07:00

1) Lee Sher-Maine
2) Aiden
3) Kishy-Kins
4) Ryan Akmal
5) Aadzim
6) Aljer
7) Kat
8) Andrew
9) Sook Teng
10) Michelle R
11) Michelle C
12) Michelle O
13) Kaze
14) Angela
15) Anson
16) Tracy
17) Neo
18) Barry
19) Ronnie
20) Tammy

Questions:1. How did you meet #14(Wei Leong) ?
We've been classmates for ages..Muaks.

2. What would you do if you hadn't met #1(LSM) ?
I wouldn't be as siou as I am.

3. What would you do if #20 (Tammy) and #9 (Sook Teng) dated?
They'd make a bloody sexy couple. 2 hot chicks..lol!

4. Would #6 (Aljer) and #17 (Neo) make a good couple?
Yes..In the twilight zone!!

5. Describe #3 (Kishy-kins).
Tends to think too much, my venting outlet, TOTALLY in touch with his feminine side(jk.lol) and naturally hilarious. To describe him, bad and good, would take 3 full days and a whole bottle of wine, chocolates and Mr. Moo-able's in tow..

6. Do you think #8 (Andrew) is attractive?
Yup yup. Memang sangat leng chai.

7. Tell me something about #7 (Kat).
She's one delicious babe!

8. Do you know anything about #12 (Michelle O)?
I know she likes those star earrings of hers. Or at least I think she does..

9. What is #1 (LSM)'s favourite food?
Pizza!

10. What will you do if #11 (Michelle R.) confesses that he/she likes you?
She did that a long time ago! But I'd probably give her an intense passionate kiss!(I can think of a few ham sap idiots who would want to watch. Lol) * Grabs Michelle in sexy embrace*

11. What language does #15 (Anson) speak?
English.

12. Who is #9 (Sook Teng) going out with?
No one. Bloody shame if you ask me.

13. How old is #16 (Tracy) ?
Her birthday belum datang..19?

14. When is the last time you talked to #13 (Kaze) ?
A couple days back.*shake shake*

15. Who's #2's (Aiden) favorite singer ?
Tak tau..The Muppet's??

16. Would you date #4 (Ryan Akmal) ?
Yes. Already did what ..

17. Would you date #7 (Angela)?
Why not?! Hot babe what! lol!

18. Is #15 (Anson) single?
Last time I checked.

19. What is #10 (Michelle R)'s last name?
Rajasuria!!

20. Would you consider being in a relationship with #19 (Ronnie)?
Yes & No.

21. What school does #16 (Tracy) go to?
SEGI College.

22. Where does #6 (Aljer) live?
USJ 9.

23. What is your favourite thing about #5 (Aadzim)?
How he can be superbly irritating but he's just too lovable to stay angry at!

24. What do you think about #13 (Kaze)?
He's actually deep. When he WANTS to be. lol. *shake shake*

25. What do #4 (Ryan) and #18 (Barry) have in common?
They both wear glasses?

26. What special qualities does #5 (Aadzim) have?
Secretly Caring, Obviously Annoying.

I tag: LSM, Kat, Kishy-kins & Andrew!

Merdeka Anyone?

2007-08-31T18:37:00.000-07:00

So Merdeka was a total bust. The ONE year we decide to go out to celebrate and we end up just wondering around like ducks. We were abandoned by friends and the one's we were with had no plan what so ever and thought we girl were being gelabah because of it. Gelabah my freshly painted foot la. After watching a pitiful fireworks display we saw K.c and his friend David from Vietnam. went up to say hi and found out they were stuck in the same predicament. Their gang dumped them too. So we made our own gang and went yam cha at Indian shop and talked to David and then went home and then slept. Next time, baik kita pergi je basketball court. Lagi best.

Anywho, Merdeka day I had a function. Aunty Doris punya 80th birthday. It was also a family reunion of sorts cause my dad was meeting all the cousin's he hasn't met before and I was related someway or another with almost everyone in the room. The food was good and company alright. Aunty Doris looked lovely. The one thing that sort of dampened the event for me was when 3 people thought I was HippieAccountant's wife!! Sakit hati gila siput babi!! I don't look THAT old!! I definitely don't look old enough to be married, let alone to someone who's old enough to be my father because fact is HE IS MY FATHER!!!!!!*crys hysterically while banging face on the table* There was a saxophone performance and I felt bad for the guy cause no one was really paying attention. Everybody was sort of chatting and eating which was a bummer cause he was in fact really good. Today actually suppose to go for book launching but I malas and some more I wanna study! anywho..here are some random shots I took when I was bored and no one was looking(i think)

The cake. Before...

During..(these are the kinda bite marks I leave Kishy-kins. Be afraid. Be very afraid.)

And after! Yummy!

My chopsticks, my second glass of wine and Angela's phone.

And technically, I have to call Angela aunty cause she's my uncle Christopher's cousin. LOL. Well, I won't be updating that much cause of trials. Good luck you guys for the GRC Rally. Rock the house! Sorry I can't be there.

Cheers.

2007-08-28T00:07:00.000-07:00

1. Books.
2. Music
3. Bags.
4. Necklace.
5. Bracelet?
6. Cute Pillow(from folio)
7. Funky Key Chain
8. Anything cute(very not helping.. I know)
9. Bounty chocolates or cloud 9's.
10. Anything TinTin!!(the comic)
11. A care package?
12. A hug.
13. A web cam
14. Something completely random!
15. ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING. I'll love it anyway!

*Sorry babe! This is all I can think of! Hopefully this helps. But honestly, you guys give me anything also I happy la. You guys remember also I happy! A card, a hug pun cukup la! I really cannot think of anything!(Feels sooooo bad for the gang) Honey, I'll let you know about the ipod by friday ok babe?*